Wednesday, 15 October 2014

Want a happy relationship? Stop doing this .

I want to talk about the number one way most women sabotage their
Over my many years as a relationship writer, I have observed women tripping
themselves up in one main area and that is: caring too much about the relationship.  
If you want true love, you have to stop caring about it. It may sound counter-
intuitive, but hear me out.  
When I'm talking about caring about your relationship, I'm actually talking about
*stressing* over it...
I care very much about my family... I love them.  My parents, siblings, extended
family-- they are the center of my world and I do everything I can to help them.
I care about them, but I don't stress over them...   
True caring is just simple, it doesn't involve stressing over the person/people you
care about.
Relationships are about discovering the TRUTH about how compatible you are with
another person.  That's all.
That "compatibility" is already set before you and he meet.  It's predetermined... a
relationship is simply the unfolding of events that occur naturally, like two
chemicals combining and producing a reaction.   
It just happens naturally and you watch, observe, and enjoy. You don't attach to it.
You don't force it. You don't fight with it. You just enjoy watching the process
naturally unfold as it's going to.
When you're happy, enjoying the moment, and feeling at ease, you are allowing the
process to just flow naturally.  When you start thinking in a way that feels negative,
you destroy your vibe and you block the process from unfolding.
In essence, all you're doing in a relationship is enjoying being around the other
person. Nothing to think about. Nothing to plan.  Nothing to "make happen."
When two people are incredibly compatible, they will naturally be drawn to one
another and will both want to get closer. Nature has programmed us to be this way.
It's taken care of.
If you come into a relationship with the attitude that there is nothing to care about
or stress over, you won't need to analyze his texting habits or spend endless hours
trying to determine if he likes you and what he meant when he said XYZ. And you
won't be gripped by a fear of loss.  
Personally speaking, when I look at things in a way where I perceive that I could lose
something, then I feel that fear of loss feeling and I start to stress over it.  That stress
feeling can turn something that should have had me feeling only slightly bothered
into a full-blown, long-lasting depression.
Like I've been saying, though, it's all under your control.  It all roots back to the
perspective you take on things. If you look at things in a way where you believe you
could lose something and you're afraid of losing it, you will always experience a fear
of loss. As a result, you will inevitably end up creating a self-fulfilling prophecy (that
is, your negative emotions and mindset will have you behave, or make decisions, in
such a way that brings about exactly what you don't want)...
One of the biggest differences between people who are successful in an area of life
and those who aren't is that the unsuccessful people take on a perspective that
causes them to stress over that area of life, whereas the successful people don't take
on a perspective that stresses them out.
I know you can't turn off the care with the flip of a switch, especially since you've
been programmed to treat relationships a certain way for your entire life, but it's
essential that you have an awareness of what is causing the problems.  From there
you will hopefully find a way to re-train yourself and get to a place where you can
enjoy your relationships without stressing over them.