Monday, 7 November 2016

Using sex as a weapon - Not cool

Let me start with a personal experience, there was this guy I was seeing, every time there was an issue, i threatened him with our relationship. I say things like "let's end things right now", let's just break up. At the beginning, he would beg and apologize, it got to a time he doesn't even care anymore, then he said "yetty, if you wanna leave, just leave". It's the same thing with using sex as a weapon, he would get tired one day, because he knows sex is all you can threaten him with, so he just gets it somewhere else. 

Using sex as a weapon is common with ladies. Some don't even know they are doing it. As long as you have this mindset  "if he isn't gonna do this for me today , am so not giving him sex today". You are obviously using sex as a weapon. That is, you are either punishing him or rewarding him with sex because of something u want him to do or not. There is nothing wrong with saying no to sex because you are not in the mood or you are sincerely tired , but if you are doing it purposely because you ask him to do something or give you something and he didn't do it, that's wrong. Before you know it, he wouldn't even care anymore. That's not what you want, right? Right? RIGHT. 

Remember: if you do withhold sex as a punishment for inappropriate behavior, or you give sex as a reward for being “good,” do it sparingly. Continually using sex as a commodity could potentially weaken your relationship and diminish the intimacy and trust the two of you share.

Using sex to either punish or reward their partners has been a favourite way of women to maintain control over a relationship. While it might give some short term gains, manipulative behavior like this can backfire big time. Here’s why you should avoid this sneaky strategy.

1) You devalue sex
When you use sex as a bargaining commodity in your relationship, you are devaluing its worth as a sacred and intimate connection that just the two of you share. Sex in a monogamous relationship means more than just between-the-sheets action. So don’t cheapen it by using it as manipulative tool for petty gains.

2) It’s unfair to him
Withholding sex is not fair play regardless the provocation. If you are angry at him for something that he has done, then battle it out with him on that issue, why get sex into it? Fight fair. Besides, what can be a better way to make up than a steamy roll in the hay?

3) He will be tempted to look elsewhere
There is no excuse for cheating, but look at it this way, if you continue to withhold to sex for long periods of time or at frequent intervals because you are angry or want something, it won’t be long before he starts looking at sex as a commodity too and starts looking for it elsewhere. And even if he doesn’t cheat, he will eventually distance himself from you emotionally and sexually.

4) It solves nothing
Withholding sex is quite pointless because though he might beg and plead a couple of times, after that he’s just going to get bored and do his own thing. And besides, even if he capitulates, it doesn’t mean that he has actually backed down. He might just be putting up a front to get laid. 

Don’t use sex as a bargaining chip.  Each time you do, it harms your relationship.

Friday, 4 November 2016

What is a fuckboy or fuckgirl ?

I'm sure you've all heard about the term "fuckboy", some of us have even been a victim of their tactics, well this is it.
They are most often "wolves in sheep's clothing. I'm talking about a very specific type of man and woman and their behavior. This "I don't mind fucking you over to get what I want" mindset is a very common thought pattern that I have observed. A fuckboy or girl aka Master manipulators are very insecure people who choose not to be mature and "real", hide behind ego, pride and lies while using manipulation tactics to make themselves seem more impressive than who they REALLY are. They seem to be the ideal woman or man following the womanly/ gentlemanly rules, going out with you for dinner, enthusiastic about you, interested in your life and listen to you attentively. They are probably very attractive, good talkers, fun to hang out with and seem to be great candidates for relationships. They demonstrate great promise and potential. They will be so seemingly genuinely into you, they will say that they want to be exclusive and not date other people. And you can't understand why sex with them drives you crazy. Then they fuck you over inside and out. 

Crazy isn't it ?????

Being Single Is Not A Disease – Some People Prefer Being Alone Than Dealing With Drama

its been a while!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i will be talking about the singles today *smiles*

 The reaction of most men when they meet an attractive single woman is, “What’s wrong with you?” But my question is, why does something have to be wrong? Why is it so unbelievable that an attractive woman would choose not to be in a relation­ship? Maybe the reason she’s single is because there isn’t anything wrong with her. People can be very toxic, and they bring a lot of baggage from previous partners. The fact that a person who has many options is not in a relationship speaks to his or her high self-esteem, not their lack of it. It’s easy to just jump into a situation with someone and start calling him or her your man or woman. But it takes discipline and knowing your self-worth that makes it easy to wait for someone who values you and uplifts you.

Most people have never taken themselves out on a dinner and movie date, and enjoyed doing it! And that’s a shame. What you do demonstrates the love you have for your own company and for yourself. That attitude is precisely what attracts healthy people into your universe.
Besides, being in a relationship or marriage is not an indicator that a person is emotionally healthy or even happy. I hear more complaints from so-called happily married people than single people. That’s not an attack on marriage; I’m just stating my experience. It’s surprising that a woman would even have to defend being single, especially to other women, but women are often the ones applying the most pressure.

i will be updating regularly from now on .....  Dont forget to take yourself out on a date and get to know YOU.

bye for now.