Monday, 7 November 2016

Using sex as a weapon - Not cool

Let me start with a personal experience, there was this guy I was seeing, every time there was an issue, i threatened him with our relationship. I say things like "let's end things right now", let's just break up. At the beginning, he would beg and apologize, it got to a time he doesn't even care anymore, then he said "yetty, if you wanna leave, just leave". It's the same thing with using sex as a weapon, he would get tired one day, because he knows sex is all you can threaten him with, so he just gets it somewhere else. 

Using sex as a weapon is common with ladies. Some don't even know they are doing it. As long as you have this mindset  "if he isn't gonna do this for me today , am so not giving him sex today". You are obviously using sex as a weapon. That is, you are either punishing him or rewarding him with sex because of something u want him to do or not. There is nothing wrong with saying no to sex because you are not in the mood or you are sincerely tired , but if you are doing it purposely because you ask him to do something or give you something and he didn't do it, that's wrong. Before you know it, he wouldn't even care anymore. That's not what you want, right? Right? RIGHT. 

Remember: if you do withhold sex as a punishment for inappropriate behavior, or you give sex as a reward for being “good,” do it sparingly. Continually using sex as a commodity could potentially weaken your relationship and diminish the intimacy and trust the two of you share.

Using sex to either punish or reward their partners has been a favourite way of women to maintain control over a relationship. While it might give some short term gains, manipulative behavior like this can backfire big time. Here’s why you should avoid this sneaky strategy.

1) You devalue sex
When you use sex as a bargaining commodity in your relationship, you are devaluing its worth as a sacred and intimate connection that just the two of you share. Sex in a monogamous relationship means more than just between-the-sheets action. So don’t cheapen it by using it as manipulative tool for petty gains.

2) It’s unfair to him
Withholding sex is not fair play regardless the provocation. If you are angry at him for something that he has done, then battle it out with him on that issue, why get sex into it? Fight fair. Besides, what can be a better way to make up than a steamy roll in the hay?

3) He will be tempted to look elsewhere
There is no excuse for cheating, but look at it this way, if you continue to withhold to sex for long periods of time or at frequent intervals because you are angry or want something, it won’t be long before he starts looking at sex as a commodity too and starts looking for it elsewhere. And even if he doesn’t cheat, he will eventually distance himself from you emotionally and sexually.

4) It solves nothing
Withholding sex is quite pointless because though he might beg and plead a couple of times, after that he’s just going to get bored and do his own thing. And besides, even if he capitulates, it doesn’t mean that he has actually backed down. He might just be putting up a front to get laid. 

Don’t use sex as a bargaining chip.  Each time you do, it harms your relationship.

Friday, 4 November 2016

What is a fuckboy or fuckgirl ?

I'm sure you've all heard about the term "fuckboy", some of us have even been a victim of their tactics, well this is it.
They are most often "wolves in sheep's clothing. I'm talking about a very specific type of man and woman and their behavior. This "I don't mind fucking you over to get what I want" mindset is a very common thought pattern that I have observed. A fuckboy or girl aka Master manipulators are very insecure people who choose not to be mature and "real", hide behind ego, pride and lies while using manipulation tactics to make themselves seem more impressive than who they REALLY are. They seem to be the ideal woman or man following the womanly/ gentlemanly rules, going out with you for dinner, enthusiastic about you, interested in your life and listen to you attentively. They are probably very attractive, good talkers, fun to hang out with and seem to be great candidates for relationships. They demonstrate great promise and potential. They will be so seemingly genuinely into you, they will say that they want to be exclusive and not date other people. And you can't understand why sex with them drives you crazy. Then they fuck you over inside and out. 

Crazy isn't it ?????

Being Single Is Not A Disease – Some People Prefer Being Alone Than Dealing With Drama

its been a while!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i will be talking about the singles today *smiles*

 The reaction of most men when they meet an attractive single woman is, “What’s wrong with you?” But my question is, why does something have to be wrong? Why is it so unbelievable that an attractive woman would choose not to be in a relation­ship? Maybe the reason she’s single is because there isn’t anything wrong with her. People can be very toxic, and they bring a lot of baggage from previous partners. The fact that a person who has many options is not in a relationship speaks to his or her high self-esteem, not their lack of it. It’s easy to just jump into a situation with someone and start calling him or her your man or woman. But it takes discipline and knowing your self-worth that makes it easy to wait for someone who values you and uplifts you.

Most people have never taken themselves out on a dinner and movie date, and enjoyed doing it! And that’s a shame. What you do demonstrates the love you have for your own company and for yourself. That attitude is precisely what attracts healthy people into your universe.
Besides, being in a relationship or marriage is not an indicator that a person is emotionally healthy or even happy. I hear more complaints from so-called happily married people than single people. That’s not an attack on marriage; I’m just stating my experience. It’s surprising that a woman would even have to defend being single, especially to other women, but women are often the ones applying the most pressure.

i will be updating regularly from now on .....  Dont forget to take yourself out on a date and get to know YOU.

bye for now. 

Wednesday, 23 December 2015

7 reasons never to compare your relationship with anyone else's

Comparing your relationship with someone else's does nothing good for you rather you become more insecure because you'll always be one foot out the door.
Unhappy woman in bedUnhappy woman in bed

Every relationship is unique in it's own way with it's own strengths and weaknesses.

Inspired by All Women's  talk, here are a few reasons to never compare your relationship:
1. You'll always think of the negative things. The negative things make it look like everyone else is better than your partner. The grass is never greener on the other side in this case.
Unhappy lady  Unhappy lady

2. You fail to remember that no one is without fault including you. You aren't perfect, so don't expect perfection from your partner.

3. You may be envied by others. Other's may be thinking the exact opposite of what you think of your relationship.
Unhappy coupleUnhappy couple

4. You never see the full picture. You only see the unrealistic part in the relationship of others and totally forget that they have their downsides.
5. You aren't being fair to your partner by comparing your relationship.

6. You sink deeper into depression as each day goes by.
Unhappy couple Unhappy couple

7. You miss the awesome parts of your relationship by focusing on what you don't have instead of being grateful for what you have.

4 common relationship problems and how they can be avoided

No relationship is problem free, but there are some that are common than others. These kind of problems can pose a great danger to your loving relationship if they aren't resolved quickly enough.
Unhappy couple Unhappy couple

It's advisable to be aware of these common issues and work it out so you can have a stronger bond with your partner.

Inspired by All Women's talk, here are a few ways these relationship problems can be identified and avoided:
1. Not spending enough time with your partner: Couples get busy with life most times that they don't meet each other's emotional need well enough. To avoid this couples should always try to plan time and clear out every schedule to spend quality time together.
Unhappy couple Unhappy couple

2. Careless spending: At times two people who love each other may have different opinions on how money gotten should be spent. A problem could arise if funds are thoroughly mismanaged by one partner. To avoid this a spending plan should always be mapped out and agreed upon by both parties.

3. Unresolved problems: Most couples have one or two problems between them which will be left unresolved because both cannot reach a compromise. These could lead to a bigger because it keeps coming up every now and then. To avoid this couples should learn to agree to disagree which means reaching a common ground.
Unhappy couple Unhappy couple

4. Communication: It's one of the most common relationship dangers. Conflicts are bound to arise between couples. Good communication prevents it from escalating. To avoid this issue, one partner should be calm when the other is angry.

5. Not liking a family member in your partner's family: It could be your partner's mother, sibling or friend. It's understandable if you can't help it but all you need to remember that your relationship is just between you and your partner. You shouldn't try to let your dislike get in the way of the love you both share.

Thursday, 11 June 2015

Poof, Gone! How To Keep Your Cool When A Dude Just Disappears

 Sometimes men vanish into thin air. When that happens, follow these rules.
If you ask me, nothing is harder on the heart or the ego than the disappearing act in the midst of dating. One minute you are smitten over Mr. Constant Contact and the next … nothing. No explanation and no closure. He stopped texting, stopped calling and you are left to fill in the blanks.
Has your latest leading man disappeared without a trace? If so, here's what you should do:
1. Resist temptation. Once it is confirmed that Mr. Vanishing is alive and well, resist your urge to seek information from his friends, his family or the source himself.

I was dating Mr. Too-Good-To-Be-True for a solid month and I believed we were taking our happy romance to the next level. Then one day his daily "Good morning" text was missing from my inbox and I spent the rest of the day staring at my phone, distracted in sincere worry that something was amiss.
Mr. Too-Good-To-Be-True ignored my check-in call and before I could fabricate horrendous stories of his whereabouts, I noticed he was cheerfully posting on Facebook and obviously alive and well. Weeks went by and I could not shake my anger and self-doubt. Perhaps I did or said something wrong to encourage his behavior.
I mustered up an email begging for closure and some sort of validation that our connection was not a mere fabrication in my naïve mind. Again, no response. I never got closure from him, and by sending that email I gave someone who didn't deserve it another chance to let me down. If he was too cowardly to communicate our ending in the first place, no declaration of hurt or resentment will suddenly change his mind or his manners.
2. Don't take it personally, Your first reaction will most likely be to ask what you did wrong. But most grown men will communicate an ending with you. The ones who don't are most likely not ready for a genuine commitment.

My most recent romantic prospect, Mr. Long Distance and I had been chatting and texting for weeks when one day he abruptly stopped and started bringing up excuses to why he wasnt able to call or chat, but trust me, i wasnt buying it. to cut long story short, i moved on.
Breakups are hard but when one person seemingly holds all the power, it is even more difficult. Feeling rejected by another's avoidance is inevitable but it is important to remember that a grown man should know better than to partake in the silent treatment. Treating another person with a complete lack of respect signifies a major character flaw and that may have to be the greatest form of closure that you need

Wednesday, 11 March 2015

Men and Relationships: 5 Signs He’ll Never Commit

The one question you will never hear a guy ask when he starts dating a girl is: “Will she commit to me?” It just doesn’t happen. Questions and uncertainties regarding commitment seem to be reserved for the ladies.
Women of all ages and across all cultures are united in their quest to determine the following: Does he like me? Is he serious about me? Will he ever commit to me? And trust me, I get it.  I’ve experienced those gut-twisting feelings, the ones the leave you with a constant sense of impending doom in the pit of your stomach causing you to question everything, including yourself.
It’s understandable. I mean, there is a lot at stake when you put your heart on the line and you can end up wasting months, or years, of your life on a man who never intended to keep you around for the long haul. And the aftermath of these situations is never pretty.
So what can we do to spare ourselves the time, energy, and heartbreak that goes into determining how a man feels?
After giving this topic a lot of thought and consulting with several guys, I’ve uncovered five tell-tale signs that he isn’t going to commit to you now or ever. 
1. You don’t know anything real about him
You can talk to someone for hours and hours every day and not know anything real about them. You might know details about their life, but you don’t know who they are, their real and true self that exists beneath all the superficial fluff.
When a guy is serious about a woman, he shares himself with her. He lets her into his world and shows some level of vulnerability. This is a big thing for a man. Men aren’t used to opening up and showing their emotions and they are much more selective when it comes to letting people in.
When a guy opens up to you, when he shares his dreams, his fears, his hopes, his wishes, his motivations, etc., he is investing in you. By investing in you, he is committing himself to you.
If a guy doesn’t share his true self with you, if he won’t let you see who he is at his core, the chances are high that he’s not in  in it to win it and doesn’t see a future.
If you’re really unsure as to whether a guy is serious about you or not, take a look at the things you know about him and consider if you know who he really is.
2. He disappears for days or weeks at a time, then acts like it was no big deal
If a guy truly cares about you, he will want to make room for you in his life. Even if he has a lot going on and won’t be available for a few days, he’ll send a text or message to let you know he’s thinking about you.
If he takes vacations from the relationship with no warning it means he isn’t worried about losing you, and this is never a good sign. If a guy knows for certain that you’ll always be there waiting in the wings, no matter how badly he behaves, he won’t respect you and he definitely won’t want to commit to you–why should he when he knows he doesn’t have to? There would be absolutely no benefit for him.
His disappearing acts serve more as a way to let you know this relationship isn’t serious and he is still free to do what he wants. It’s his way of letting you know that you aren’t a deciding factor in where he goes and what he does.
3. He tells you he doesn’t want a relationship
This seems like an obvious one, but unfortunately, it’s not! In fact, I think the most common relationship in this day and age is the non-relationship, that is, when you’re dating a guy and you’re basically boyfriend/girlfriend aside from the fact that you’re not.
The ugly truth is this: when a guy says he doesn’t want a relationship, what he’s really saying is he doesn’t want a relationship with you.
I know you think you’re the exception and your situation is different. I’ve been there and I’m telling you, it isn’t. You’re like every other girl in a non-relationship. You’re a great girl who maybe sold herself a little short and is in a situation where the guy calls all the shots and is just taking you along for the ride as you sit patiently in the back seat, waiting for him to decide you’re “good enough.”
If he tells you he doesn’t wan to be in a relationship or he has “commitment issues” or hates labels, just take it at face value and do yourself a favor and move on.
4. He doesn’t take you on real dates
If your dates consist of you going over to his place and watching a movie or you cooking for him, then he isn’t taking you or the relationship very seriously.
When a guy is invested in you and cares about you, he wants to go out of his way to impress you and show you he cares. I know most women don’t feel this way, but trust me, when a guy likes you, it’s obvious.
If he puts in the bare minimum when it comes to dates it means he doesn’t feel like you’re worth the effort. Are there exceptions? Sometimes. But even if a guy is jobless and broke and doesn’t have the money to take you out, he’ll find some sort of cheap and creative way to show you he cares.
When a guy cares about a girl and sees a future with her, he wants to bring her into his world as much as possible. He wants to introduce her to the things he likes: movies, music, hobbies. These aren’t things that require much of a financial investment but they speak volumes about his level of emotional investment.
If you’re the only one making the effort to keep the spark alive and do special things, it’s a sign that he isn’t very invested in you.
5. He won’t introduce you to his family
A lot of women make the mistake of thinking that meeting a guy’s friends is a big deal. Maybe some guys view this as a big deal, but most don’t. Maybe he just wants to show you off because you’re hot, or maybe he just doesn’t think much of introducing girls to his friends. I have plenty of friends who looked at meeting his friends as the holy grail… the tell tale sign that he’s all in, he’s committed. It’s not. Meeting is family is where it’s at. (Side note: While meeting his friends isn’t the biggest deal, if he won’t introduce you to them it’s a definite red flag.)
When you’re in a relationship, talk of meeting the family should come up. Maybe you don’t meet them right away, but he should give you come sort of indication that it’s on the horizon. At the very least, he should let you know that his family is aware of your existence.
If he doesn’t talk about his family, or changes the subject anytime you bring it up, it’s a sign that he has no intention of making the introduction.
As I mentioned earlier, when a man is serious about a woman, he brings her into his world. By keeping you away from his family, he’s essentially saying he doesn’t see you being in his world for the long run.
Got anymore signs a man won’t commit? Tell us about them in comments!