Monday, 27 February 2012

why do men lie?

A friend of mine, Betty, an attractive brunette in her late twenties, was telling me of this incident. A week ago she happened to run into Jim, a cute guy she’d dated in college. They’d dated for a couple of years, but then things didn’t work out. They’d ended the relationship on a friendly note and were happy to run into each other now. They decided to catch up over a drink and talk about old times. They spent a fun evening together, during which time Betty learnt that Jim was in a committed, live-in relationship with his girlfriend of five years, Sarah, and was planning to get engaged soon. At some point in the evening, he said he’d call his girlfriend to let her know he’d be late and Betty happened to overhear their conversation.
"Hey," Jim said. "How was your day? Just called to tell you I’ll be home a little late today. Had to discuss some plans with a client and thought we’d do it over a drink. See you in a bit."
While Betty didn’t want to act like she’d been eavesdropping, she couldn’t help but ask Jim why he’d deliberately lied. Jim was unrepentant about it. His explanation, "Sarah has an active imagination and if I tell her the truth, she’ll think there’s something going on. Both you and I know that we’re just having a harmless evening of catching up, but if I tell her like it is, she won’t buy it. It’s just easier to lie, it’s less complicated that way."
The way Jim sees it isn’t an isolated incident. Men lie for different reasons and with different motivations. Why do men lie? Most often, the reasons for which they lie to their partners/lovers/spouses/girlfriends follow a set pattern. Men lie...
1. For the heck of it
Men often have a great sense of the absurd and enjoy telling the occasional lie just for a lark. They find they get a few laughs out of suckering the party concerned and pulling the wool over their eyes successfully.
2. As a matter of course
Sometimes men just lie because they can’t be bothered to tell the truth. It’s just a habit that comes naturally and can be used as a defense mechanism, rather than go through the awkward motions of telling it like it is.
3. Because it’s less complicated
If the truth requires long explanations and supporting facts, men figure it’s just easier to tell a lie. Rather than get into long-winded stories to their spouse, which expend a lot of time and effort and may still result in disgruntled looks and dissatisfied expressions and take more convincing to be believable, men prefer to lie.
4. If the reason is innocuous
If the lie isn’t a major one, men justify it as being harmless. And if it’s harmless, what’s wrong in it? They figure they’re not hurting anyone with a simple little white lie, and they don’t lose any sleep over it.
5. Because they get themselves into trouble when they tell the truth
Some men find they have an uncanny knack for getting themselves into trouble when they try telling the truth. And that it never works for them. They try being straightforward, like a sailor friend who told his girlfriend how he enjoyed visiting strip bars, when ashore, to unwind after a particularly tough voyage, and how she blew a fuse over it. He thought being honest was a great thing, until he discovered it was better to have lied or simply evaded telling the truth.
6. If they feel their partner won’t be able to handle it
Like Jim, some men feel that if they tell their partner the truth like it is, they will read more into the situation than there actually is, and blow it out of proportion. Not only will this cause trouble for the relationship, but it will also lead to a lot of discomfort and tension, which was unnecessary and uncalled for in the first place. By lying about it, men eliminate the possibility of stress and anxiety over their partner’s reaction and rest easy knowing they’ve averted a possible mishap.

expand your viewpoint with creativity

You have a particular perspective of the world. From this perspective, you experience and view life in a unique way. Your viewpoint is so unique; it has been created by every single one of your experiences – painful and pleasurable, remembered and forgotten, fully or partially lived through. If you’re like most people, that perspective sees the world in mostly limited ways. It is inherent in the conditioning of us all.
At the same time, I’m sure you’ve experienced the opening of that viewpoint towards the boundlessness of the universe. When you experience that expansiveness, you might feel that all is fine with the world. Nothing is wrong. In fact, it’s all perfect and unfolding in the most brilliant of ways. Whatever is happening in your life – good and bad – is part of the wisdom of the whole. Most of all, you can feel your vitality, your greatness, and your soul shining through.
Yet, those feelings of boundlessness, peace, and vitality do not always last, making it helpful to have a daily practice that consistently connects you with the cosmos. If you haven’t found a consistent way to access your expansiveness, your greatness, your power, I’ll share how I access mine.
It is, without fail, a practice of creativity. By consciously engaging in a process of creation, that is by bringing forward what is within (just as the universe does moment by moment anyway), you become the Creator. You access what is bigger, larger, greater than the small version of yourself.
For example, with writing, there may not be too many words that rise to the surface of the mind at first. Yet you move your hand anyway, even if you’re writing “I don’t know what to write now.” Slowly, what appears may be the stories you’ve created about the days events or the worries you have about your vacation next week, or your true feelings about the conversation you had with a good friend. You write out the unspoken thoughts and feelings about the happenings of your unique life.
As you continue to let your attention rest on the inner world and give it expression, the energy inside starts to build. Your hand starts to swing from one end of the page to the other. More and more thoughts, feelings, emotions, memories, dream snippets, and bodily sensations enter your field of consciousness. You write it all out and meanwhile the energy increases. Soon, there is a fountain of activity inside and your hand can barely keep up with the fire within. The vitality that’s there is not so much about your reactions to everyday life. Instead, it is an expansive sensation, an energy and intelligence offering you creative ideas, innovation solutions, and feelings of connection, ease, and timelessness. This is the creative flow.
Tapping into this energy is accessing the power of God, the life force that keeps the universe in motion. This creative force is limitless! Look at what it’s created – an expanding galaxy, twirling planets, seven swaying oceans, conscious human beings, an incredible and alive Planet Earth, stars that shine on ceaselessly, clouds, a sun, birds, and much, much more. Accessing this creative flow is like reaching the fountain of life, invisible water that sustains and nurtures the soul.
When you pick up your creative accoutrements – a sculpting tool, a paintbrush, a pen – you have the opportunity to expand our unique viewpoint, to link it up with the cosmos, and become the greatness that is you.