Thursday, 26 July 2012

Why men don't listen to women

You often hear a wife complain, "My husband never listens to me." Or a girlfriend agonize to her best mate, "My boyfriend never seems to pay any attention to what I tell him". In fact, a woman was ranting about how she’s been talking about wedding arrangements to her fiancĂ© for months, and yet when she asked him a few questions about some detail she’d told him about earlier, he hadn’t a clue what she was talking about! It left her wondering whether he had heard anything she had told him. The common grouse with women is, "Do men ever listen?"

Ladies, you may have a point there, but have you ever stopped to think why that may be the case?Some of the common reasons men don’t listen to women are:
1. Women talk too much
Often women have so much to say that the pertinent facts get lost in the intricacies of the story. If a man has to listen to his girlfriend intersperse what’s there for dinner, with that cute top she saw at a store, how her sister is expecting a baby and she had a rotten day at work, he’s pretty unsure by the end of the saga, what exactly hit him.

2 They figure they’ve heard it all before
Sometimes men think there’s nothing new they have to hear and automatically tune off mid-sentence. According to them, it's just old wine in a new bottle.
3. Women nag
One of the commonest complaints men have is that their partners often nag them. And since they’re used to the general trend of it, they don’t think there’s anything different about what they’re whining about.
4. They don’t like to be controlled
Men feel that if they listen to a woman in terms of following her instructions, it’s a sign that they are putty in her hands and that she’ll take undue advantage of the situation. Once he gives in to her demands, he’ll be the equivalent of a puppet on a string.
5. There are more pressing matters
If a woman is incessantly babbling in the background and a man is doing something far more important – at least to him - like watching a thrilling football match, the last thing he wants to do is turn off the television and tune in to his partner.
6. Some men just have a short attention span
Often, men cannot keep their focus on what a woman is saying for too long. They rarely have the patience to give women their listening ear for more than a certain fixed duration, which is normally about ten minutes at the most.
7. The topic is of little interest to them
And then, of course, if she insists on raving about the designer watch her boss’ wife was sporting or the chandelier earrings her friend's rich boyfriend surprised her with, that’s really not something a man is interested in hearing.So, if you want your man to listen to you, a few pointers in the right direction.
  • Keep it short. Don’t meander on about every little insignificant thing, especially if you’ve noticed that he has no use for such frivolous details.
  • If you have to go into detail, make it interesting. Hold him rapt with a cute anecdote or a funny story that will grab his attention and hold him captive.
  • Keep pausing at suitable intervals just to ensure you have his attention. Avoid monologues and give him a chance to have his say too. Actively seek his opinion and ask him for relevant feedback, so that you know he’s not just physically present while his mind is elsewhere.
  • Stop being predictable and nagging him about the same stuff. If he hasn’t got the message by now, it's time to change your stance or get him to move his butt by trying something new.
  • Don’t even try talking to him when he’s got the television on. Eliminate all distractions, or wait till he’s done with his television or newspaper, until you start having your say.
  • When you’re talking, try and get him to maintain eye contact with you. That way, if his mind wanders, you’ll know it by the glazed look in his eyes, unless of course he’s perfected the art of appearing that he’s listening to you with rapt attention, while he’s actually miles away.
  • And if you want him to listen and follow through on some instructions, don’t order him round. Ask him nicely, check to see if he’s comprehended what you’ve told him, and then act as if the ultimate decision rests with him.

interracial dating

On the face of it, one would think that when you’re dating or attracted to someone, love conquers all. But do we consciously or unconsciously eliminate people who are not from the same race or skin color as ourselves when we seek to date or are even attracted to someone?
While historically in the United States, the thought of interracial dating was taboo, the perspective gradually changed. Trends are changing and surveys have indicated that so too are people’s mindsets. While the older generation is not as opposed to it as they used to be, they may still not exactly be in favor of it. The youth though, are seen to be more open to the idea of dating crossing the boundaries of race, culture and religion.

Interracial dating has been more popular among those who have had greater exposure to individuals of different races. It could be through their neighborhood, having grown up with multicultural influences as part of a larger community. When you are constantly exposed to people of different races, you tend to integrate and even imbibe certain attitudes, which make you more open, as you mature, to exploring relationships with people outside your own race.
If you went to a school that encouraged and incorporated different races, you may often find yourself looking beyond the color of the skin or the geographical influences of the culture, and focus on the person himself. And once you do that, you realize that after all, that is what a relationship is about. Finding someone you can relate to on a deeper level than the surface physicality.
Often, those who shy away from exploring an interracial relationship or dating someone from another race, do so either because of a deep-rooted stigma or a deep-seated need to date someone from the same race. Parental opinion or what their family or friends would think if they overstepped the norms, may also influence them.

There are also certain fears about whether he/she will be ridiculed or judged harshly for displaying this penchant to date someone from another race. Jim, a single white male in his late thirties complained that when he was dating a black woman, a few years ago, his friends often ribbed him. They thought he was indulging in some sexual fantasy of sorts and hence was drawn to her. While he says he never outwardly displayed his feelings to them, he was deeply hurt by their attitude. He genuinely liked Nicole and couldn’t figure out why his friends couldn’t look beyond the color of her skin and see the obvious intelligence and wit that he was drawn to.
Christine, 35, says her true-blue American parents couldn’t figure out what had gotten into her when she was dating her black colleague. They didn’t bother too much about it at first, thinking it would just die a natural death. But when things begun to get serious, she was shocked to find them turn sceptical and then downright nasty. Every time she went over, they would ask her what she saw in him and why couldn’t she just date a nice all-American kind of guy (meaning white, of course!). They even began trying to fix her up with their version of the ideal guy. Until she told them, in no uncertain terms, that she really liked Steve and what they could do with their antiquated ideas.
Sometimes, couples that indulge in interracial dating don’t actively seek it. It’s just something that happens and once they get acquainted with the person within, the other meaningless details fade into obscurity. And often, when two individuals allow themselves to think beyond the narrow confines that society imposes the rewards are tremendous.
James, a British tourist found himself captivated by the traditions and culture of India on a visit there, last year. But he found himself taking back with him a lot more than just memories of the place and the people. He had found love. He met Priya at a party and was instantly drawn to her vibrancy and interest in his country. She took him around and showed him the sights, and he was treated warmly by her family too. The genuine warmth shown to a complete stranger touched him, something he had never experienced before.
If you are open to new experiences and feel the sentiments expressed by Michael Jackson when he sang ‘It don’t matter if you’re black or white’, check out the following sites which specialize in interracial dating. Alternatively, you can also search for people from a particular race using advanced search methods in most dating web sites. The challenges may be significant, but the rewards will be, too!