Monday, 7 November 2016

Using sex as a weapon - Not cool

Let me start with a personal experience, there was this guy I was seeing, every time there was an issue, i threatened him with our relationship. I say things like "let's end things right now", let's just break up. At the beginning, he would beg and apologize, it got to a time he doesn't even care anymore, then he said "yetty, if you wanna leave, just leave". It's the same thing with using sex as a weapon, he would get tired one day, because he knows sex is all you can threaten him with, so he just gets it somewhere else. 

Using sex as a weapon is common with ladies. Some don't even know they are doing it. As long as you have this mindset  "if he isn't gonna do this for me today , am so not giving him sex today". You are obviously using sex as a weapon. That is, you are either punishing him or rewarding him with sex because of something u want him to do or not. There is nothing wrong with saying no to sex because you are not in the mood or you are sincerely tired , but if you are doing it purposely because you ask him to do something or give you something and he didn't do it, that's wrong. Before you know it, he wouldn't even care anymore. That's not what you want, right? Right? RIGHT. 

Remember: if you do withhold sex as a punishment for inappropriate behavior, or you give sex as a reward for being “good,” do it sparingly. Continually using sex as a commodity could potentially weaken your relationship and diminish the intimacy and trust the two of you share.

Using sex to either punish or reward their partners has been a favourite way of women to maintain control over a relationship. While it might give some short term gains, manipulative behavior like this can backfire big time. Here’s why you should avoid this sneaky strategy.

1) You devalue sex
When you use sex as a bargaining commodity in your relationship, you are devaluing its worth as a sacred and intimate connection that just the two of you share. Sex in a monogamous relationship means more than just between-the-sheets action. So don’t cheapen it by using it as manipulative tool for petty gains.

2) It’s unfair to him
Withholding sex is not fair play regardless the provocation. If you are angry at him for something that he has done, then battle it out with him on that issue, why get sex into it? Fight fair. Besides, what can be a better way to make up than a steamy roll in the hay?

3) He will be tempted to look elsewhere
There is no excuse for cheating, but look at it this way, if you continue to withhold to sex for long periods of time or at frequent intervals because you are angry or want something, it won’t be long before he starts looking at sex as a commodity too and starts looking for it elsewhere. And even if he doesn’t cheat, he will eventually distance himself from you emotionally and sexually.

4) It solves nothing
Withholding sex is quite pointless because though he might beg and plead a couple of times, after that he’s just going to get bored and do his own thing. And besides, even if he capitulates, it doesn’t mean that he has actually backed down. He might just be putting up a front to get laid. 

Don’t use sex as a bargaining chip.  Each time you do, it harms your relationship.