10 Signs your Relationship is in Trouble

While most relationships begin with romantic hopes and promises of togetherness, time is unkind to many of them. Partners fall out over priorities, cheat on each other or simply drift away. The saddest part is that usually things can be worked out if issues are recognized and acknowledged early. So before it is too late look out for these ten signs which could indicate that your relationship is in trouble.

1. You no longer hurry home Remember the time when you just couldn’t wait to meet your partner at the end of the day. You would count the hours and minutes before you could rush home to your love. But when things begin to go wrong, you may find your partner or yourself delaying coming back as much as possible. Either of you are likely to dawdle over the last assignment at work or join your co-workers for a drink. It is almost like you can’t face him or her or the prospect that there is nothing to look forward to in this relationship.
    
2.  You don’t spend time together One of the surest signs of trouble in a relationship is the lack of quality time spent with each other. Shared activities and interests are what act as a glue in a relationship once the first flush of romance is over. But if you find yourself no longer going out or planning activities with your partner, it is a red flag. Initially this may be masked in the form of overtime at work or unavoidable lunches with family or friends. However with time, even the façade of other commitments may fall off and you realize that you simply don’t want to each other anymore.
    
3. You're not having as much sex as before While sex is not the most important part of a relationship, not having it at all can signal an underlying problem. It is bad enough when one partner wants to make love while the other doesn’t. But even when both partners are alright with no sex, it indicates a loss of intimacy which cannot be healthy for a relationship. Lack of sex is not usually a cause in itself but a symptom of other issues wrecking a relationship like infidelity, differing priorities, insensitivity of one partner to another or health issues.
    
4. You fight over money Together with sex, money ranks as among the top reasons why spouses go for a divorce. Not having enough money, different attitudes to saving and conflicting spending priorities can push a couple away from each other. Here once again fights over money can indicate other issues troubling a relationship. Your husband may not approve of your present traveling job and he may use your expenses as an excuse to mask his displeasure. Or your girlfriend may not like your friends and thus throw a fit when you decide to spend on hiking gear since she knows this means you are planning a trip with them.
    
5. You make separate plans Being in a relationship means staying clued to your partner’s wishes, whether  in the short or long run. If you find yourself making plans for shopping or meeting friends which does not include your partner, it means there is a disconnect between you two. At the same time he/she may announce a desire for a weekend getaway knowing full well that you have an important presentation on Monday. When two people are in love, it does not mean that they always want to do the same things, but they give and take a little which ensures that they are in tune with each other. Whereas falling out of love makes couples disregard each other’s priorities and eggs them on to go alone.
    
6. There is more intolerance Small quirks in each other which you may have found endearing at the beginning of your relationship may seem much more annoying now. This is because while couples are more understanding of each other when in love, they find it difficult to accept any imperfections, however little, as love wears away. So if your partner loved your way of whistling while you made coffee every morning, now the same action is enough to make him/her fly into a rage.
    
7. He/she makes disparaging remarks about your family
   
   No matter how imperfect parents are, family is one area which demands respect in a relationship. You would never dream of beginning a relationship with a person who is disrespectful towards the people who brought you up. However when a couple cease to love each other, there may be snide remarks and sarcastic comments on families and by extension on particular ethnic, racial or religious backgrounds. This is as sure a sign as any that your partner no longer cares what you think of him/her and is likely to end the relationship.
    
8. Your partner embarrasses/criticizes you before company This is yet another indication that your partner has ceased to respect you as a person and couldn’t care less about your feelings of humiliation and anger. This attitude may take different forms like flirting with someone else in your full view, ignoring your input in a conversation or putting you down before everybody else. Whatever the particular form of expression, public humiliation is one of the surest ways of telling that this is over.
    
9. Your fight about everything Every couple has a fight now and then. But if the periods when you are mad at your partner are longer than when you are OK, it means you both have a problem in your hands. Often there is no rhyme or reason to your fights. Any excuse will do as long as it is a way of venting your anger and frustration at each other.
    
10. You no longer talk about the future Time was when you both would eagerly discuss where to buy a house, what places to go vacationing or even when to have kids. But when two people no longer share the same dreams or even talk about them, it is definite sign that each is going his/her own way.

Ups and downs are normal phases in every relationship. The trick is to recognize the valleys before it is too late and prevent them from pulling your relationship downhill.

How to Get out of an Abusive Relationship

An abusive relationship is possibly the worst kind of situation anyone can get caught in his/her personal life. This is partly because getting out of such a relationship seems so difficult - the victim is often depleted of all self-worth and self-confidence and seems incapable to make a move out. If you find yourself in such a situation, recognize it for what it is and use this brief guide to get out of an abusive relationship.
Identify an abusive relationship
Healthy relationships involve respect, trust, and consideration for the other person. So if your relationship is devoid of all this, it is quite possible you are in an abusive relationship. Abuse can be physical, emotional, or sexual. While it is easier to identify physical abuse since it includes any form of violence such as hitting, punching, pulling hair, and kicking, it is often more difficult to spot emotional or sexual abuse. Emotional abuse includes actions like teasing, bullying, and humiliating the victim.  Apart from these threats, intimidation, putdowns and betrayal are all harmful forms of emotional abuse that can really hurt, both when it's happening and in the long term too. Sexual abuse sometimes masquerades as high libido, ‘angry sex’ or supposedly really passionate sex but it actually covers any type of sexual experience that you don't want and are forced into. In order to get out of an abusive relationship, it is necessary to identify it first because many times the abusive partner masks him/herself as a simply jealous lover or one who is extra concerned about the victim. Unfortunately victims in such relationships mistake the abuse for intense feelings of caring or concern and fail to see it for what it really is.
Stop living in denial
If you consciously realize that your relationship is abusive, it is easier to decide to get out. However many victims do not accept the reality of such a relationship and continue to believe that if they try harder, they might make things work and their partner would be more loving and caring. It is extremely important to stop living in denial since no matter how hard you try, you can never change an abusive partner on your own. It is important to realize that the abuse in the relationship is not about you. Abusive partners are extremely clever and adept at manipulating people and situations to fall in with their wishes. If your partner is one, then most likely you have been brainwashed into believing that you are incapable of thinking or doing anything right on your own and that the only way to do a thing is to do it their way. You may have acceded to your partner’s wishes a few times in the past just to avoid any unpleasantness. But your partner will point this out to you as evidence of your own weakness and continue to bully you to act in accordance with their wishes. However keep in mind that the very fact that you have sensed that something is wrong in the relationship means your faculties and intelligence are fine and not matter how much your partner bullies you into thinking that you are helpless without them, it is not so.

Stand up for yourself
The most important step in getting away from an abusive partner is to stand up for yourself. Realize that you have the right to be treated with respect and not be physically or emotionally harmed by another person, no matter how much he/she professes to love you. This may be easier said than done since an abusive partner may have induced such fear and anxiety in you over time that you may no longer believe in your ability to make a difference. However you should realize that no matter how many times you give in to your partner’s wishes and how understanding you try to be, unless you do something to defend your own self-worth and self-respect, no one else will.
Prepare ahead
Unfortunately people trapped in long term relationships with abusive partners usually have had their independence and resources taken away from them early on so that they no longer have the courage to strike out on their own. A woman who may have succumbed to a whirlwind romance and quick marriage to a control freak may find herself a stay-at-home mom, unable to break out from an unhappy marriage due to lack of financial resources. If ever she gets the courage to express her misery, her husband may blackmail her into staying because of the kids or threaten to leave her without any money. Here the best way to go about it is to prepare yourself financially and emotionally to lead an independent life and then face your partner and force him to call his/her bluff.
Don’t isolate yourself
Avoid the tendency to withdraw into a shell by distancing yourself from your friends and family. You might feel like you have nowhere to turn, or you might be embarrassed about what's been going on, but this is when you need support most. People like counselors, doctors, teachers, coaches, and friends are in a position to help you, so let them.
Look for help
A relationship with an abusive partner is one of the most frightening experiences and so don’t rely on yourself alone to get out of the situation. Friends and family who love and care about you can help you break away. Always keep in mind that asking for help isn't a sign of weakness. It actually shows that you have a lot of courage – you are not only willing to stand up for yourself but also ready to get out of an abusive relationship. It’s also likely you will need help to break out of a cycle of abuse, especially in terms of practical resources like a place to stay, support network for your kids if you have any, a job as well as emotional resources like counseling. Go through your local phone book or the internet in order to find the contact numbers of crisis centers, teen/women’s help lines and abuse hotlines. These organizations have professionally trained staff to listen, understand, and help. In addition, religious leaders, school nurses, teachers, school counselors, doctors, and other health professionals can be sources of support and information. However if you have are a victim of physical abuse or believe that your partner can endanger your own or your kids’ safety, leave now. If been attacked physically, call 911, the police or medical help. Assault in all its forms is illegal and you should not have to live with the person inflicting it on you.

If you're Obsessed with your Ex-Boyfriend – Learning to Let Go

A breakup is hard to accept, especially when you have invested a lot of time and effort in building a relationship and nurturing it. There are times when you feel that if only that had not happened or this person had not come in between, your relationship would have been perfect. The two of you would have been blissful in each other’s arms and no force in the world could have driven your man away. Beware; these are signs that you are getting obsessed with your ex-boyfriend. When you replay the scenes of your break-up again and again in your mind or keep going over the reasons why he left, it is time to give yourself a mental shake.
Here are a few ways which will help you to let go of the shadows of the past and get on with the business of living in the present.
Accept the reality
You can start off by accepting what has happened. Easier said than done, you would say. But then whoever said that getting over a cherished relationship was easy! It takes time – a lot of it. Give yourself a few days to mourn the break-up but a few days only! During this period allow yourself to feel sad, angry and completely miserable, if you wish. But after the stipulated time, pull away the blinds, open the windows and let the fresh air from outside breathe new life into your room as well as your mind.
Get rid of any guilty
Be sure to absolve yourself of any guilt regarding the break-up. “If only I hadn’t told him about the incidents from college” or “if only I could lose some more weight”, you could go on till you’d be blue in the face and no nearer to the crux of the problem. Just accept the fact that you have split and that it’s none of your doing.
A learning experience

Extract one important lesson from the whole experience. If you believe that you have learnt something from a failed relationship, it is likely to hurt less. The nightmare will have seemed to be worth striving through if only to attain a single pearl of wisdom.
Get rid of everything that reminds you of your ex
Get up and about. A good way to let go of the past is sweep away all its reminders. This means not only emptying your bathroom cabinet of his aftershaves and toothbrushes but also getting rid of things like a joint credit card or a joint bank account. Remove him from your speed-dial and if he figures on your social-networking account, de-list him from your ‘favorites’.
Focus on yourself
This is the best time to come back to the person who matters most – yourself. Take time off from every other concern and focus on the person you are, your priorities, the goals you want to set for yourself and the person that you eventually want to become. Often a relationship makes us overly involved in another person so that we lose focus of our own selves. This is right time to start working towards regaining your own identity. Better still, see if you can translate your aspirations into something concrete – like learning a new skill, taking up a hobby that you always found interesting or even relocating to a new city with a new job.
A new routine
Follow up the mental spring-cleaning with a physical make-over. If within your means, go out and splurge on a new hairstyle or a new wardrobe. But if you have your pocket to consider, spend on that outfit you always wanted to buy but your ex thought you were too fat for it! However the best kind of physical change will be to go for a new workout routine. Not only will you be healthier than before, but your body will once again feel good about itself.
Can you remain friends?
Keep away from the “lets-remain-good friends-trap”. If you are going through a painful breakup, it is best to let go of the relationship completely. Your ex-boyfriend may feel he is making it easier for you by offering to remain ‘friends’ but this may only be his way of working off the guilt. So don’t be desperate to return his calls or meet him at the first chance. This will not only keep you tied to a dead relationship but also delay the healing process.
Avoid rebound affairs
Don’t be in a rush to find a substitute for your ex-boyfriend. While it is alright to meet new people and have a different social circle while emerging from a break-up, don’t charge headlong into a new relationship. These rebound affairs never work and in most cases they leave you feeling worse than before.
Making your ex jealous

Be careful not to indulge in things for the sole purpose of making your ex-boyfriend jealous. Flirting with others when he is around or taking up habits with the purpose of annoying him is not moving on. This only shows that you are still obsessing over him and are more concerned with his reactions rather than your own healing process.

Get support from close friends
Gather a support group of friends or co-workers who will help through this trying period. Call up or go to meet your family if you are close to them. It is alright to take help from people who care about you and more importantly it will help you to realize there are other relationships in which you are equally, if not more, important.
Get professional help
Finally if you feel that despite your best efforts, you cannot seem to let go of the thoughts of your ex, seek professional help. Don’t panic about being labeled a ‘nut-case’ if you need to go for therapy. That is what professionals are for – to help you feel better.
Human beings are internally wired to be active and happy. Remember that it is not in our make-up to mope and live in the shadows. So with a little patience and help from your well wishers there is no reason why you cannot let go of a failed relationship and leave thoughts of you ex-boyfriend where they truly belong – in the past.

Dealing with women who're insecure

Insecurity is not a trait limited to women. There are many men who are also insecure, especially if they perceive themselves to be the lesser partner in a relationship. But most often, it seems to be women who are the more insecure of the species.
Insecurity is damaging to a relationship especially when it is totally unjustified. If a woman is insecure and constantly finding fault with her partner as a result, there will come a point when he will get fed up trying to placate her and prefer being with someone who is more deserving of his affection.
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But if insecurity is one of her only failings (and you could do worse), it might help to assess the extent of the problem and conduct some damage control. If you are in a relationship and you notice some of these tell-tale signs, without ever having given her reason to feel this way, you are dealing with an insecure woman.

• She is always needy. She depends on you for everything and makes you aware of it. She is clingy and wants to be around you all the time.
• She is often plagued with doubts about her self-worth and suffers from low self-esteem.
• She is suspicious of your every move and you feel you have to account to her for everything.
• She often wants access to all your personal communication, cell phone messages, etc.
• She makes you feel on edge because you have to be on your guard or defend yourself to her.
• She often accuses you of being tempted to cheat on her or of actually being unfaithful and you have never done anything to warrant it.
• She complains of being neglected or feeling left out of your life.

While most of us are insecure about something, be it our looks, intelligence or popularity, we tend to deal with it and get on with our lives. We are aware that we are lacking in a certain department, but also reassure ourselves that we compensate for it in another area. Insecurity becomes a problem when it assumes larger-than-life proportions and verges on paranoia. It is worth examining the problem and getting to the root cause of the insecurity, just as any paranoia can be traced to certain deep-rooted fears.
Most often, insecurity stems from a basic lack of confidence. A feeling of just not being good enough and not being able to measure up to expectations, more from the woman herself, than from any external source. It could be early childhood experiences like a harsh growing-up environment, being orphaned, negligent foster care, an abusive parent or being denied love and still craving it.
Sometimes a woman becomes insecure due to severe criticism, either from parents or siblings, that she’s too lazy or inefficient or totally lacking in looks for anyone to ever be attracted to her. Or she may have become insecure more recently when a relationship went sour and she got dumped, or found out that her boyfriend was cheating on her.
If you are not able to get to the root of the problem yourself, seek help. In order to get her to commit to seeking help, she has to first admit that there is a problem and it is not you. If you point fingers or try to assign blame, she will withdraw. And accuse you of having something to hide after all. Even if you do not ascertain a cause, the important thing is to get her to acknowledge in the most subtle way possible that there is a problem and you are willing to tackle it head-on and support her through it. Be patient and tolerant of her uncertainties.
In order to get her to open up and confide in you about her deepest fears or allow you to get somebody to help her if you can’t, she has to really begin to trust you. And once she really trusts you, not just says she does but actually believes it, a lot of her insecurities will vanish into thin air. But in order for her to reach even this halfway point, you have to sit down and communicate.
Show her that your life is an open book. Tell her that you are willing to answer any questions she has at that point or account for any time that she thinks you were up to no good, but it ends there. Tell her about your past relationships and bad experiences and ask her if she would like to share some of hers.
Reassure her that you are with her because you like her as she is, except for her unjustified and uncalled for accusations. If she is under the impression that you are after someone who is better looking, sexier, more intelligent or all of the above, lighten the situation by telling her you wouldn’t know what to do with a woman like that and might be intimidated at the prospect.
Remind her that you enjoy your relationship and her presence in your life and the only reason it is stopping short of being perfect is because of the unhappiness she feels and the hurt you apparently cause her. And that makes you miserable too. Let her know subtly that her accusations are irrational and you would never contemplate doing what she is accusing you of. And say it only if you mean it.
Be absolutely honest and upfront. In order to completely gain her trust, you have to work doubly hard than you would with someone who is not insecure. That means avoiding telling her even tiny white lies or deception of any sort. If she finds out the truth, it will be sufficient to undo all the success you have had thus far in getting her to trust you.
Be appreciative of her good qualities and reinforce them so that she too starts feeling good about herself. Seek her opinion and let her know it matters to you.
Support and encourage her to take up new endeavours and pursue activities that will creatively engage her energies, thus leaving her with less free time to obsess about or ponder over her insecurities. As difficult as it is to deal with a woman who’s perpetually insecure, it can be done. First you have to be convinced of your dedication and commitment to the relationship and once you surmount the problem together, you will be a stronger couple for it.

Women who scare men away

There are those women who men just love to love. They are feminine, humorous and delicate and know how to make a man feel like a man. And then there are those women who send out certain signals, loud and clear, which tell a man he’s better off staying away. He somehow knows that he’s going to be out of his depth trying to handle her. Or he’s going to burn his fingers trying. Do you see yourself in any of these women?

1. The high-maintenance gal
Everything about her screams designer wear. From her Armani suit to her Gucci shoes. Her styled hair and French manicure speak about hours spent at the salon. While she’s gorgeous to look at, a lot of regular men prefer leaving it at just that. Unless a man is rolling in it, he kind of figures his entire paycheck will be going up in smoke just to keep her in the style she’s accustomed to.
2. The aggressive woman
While a lot of men concur that they like a woman to be aggressive and take the initiative in the bedroom, they somehow don’t feel the same when women take over in the boardroom. The high-flying career woman pretty often finds it really hard to get a decent date, either because she’s so busy with climbing the corporate ladder or because the men find her success too intimidating. Even some of the more successful men prefer a woman who can be there for them, not someone who has her own stress-filled career and can give them a run for their money in the brains department.
3. The bra-burning feminist
This kind of woman somehow shakes the male bastion to its foundation. Men like to be with a woman because of just that, her womanly virtues. Once women start talking about equal opportunities and spewing venom about men doubting their skills in various departments, it puts a man on the defensive. And that is not a place many people like to be, man or woman. It makes a man feel good to be able to take care of a woman, after all, that is what makes him feel like the strong one. To have that taken away and make him have to justify wanting to enjoy a woman’s femininity, gives him a feeling of being backed into a corner, and somehow he doesn’t quite feel like coming out of it!
4. The social climber
If there’s one thing a man hates, it is being dragged around by his woman at a social gathering and forced to hobnob with the who’s who and not being able to even enjoy his drink in peace. This kind of woman wants to meet everyone there is to meet and make just the right kind of impression. The superficial takes over from the reality, and in the process any chance of having a decent conversation, or a pleasant evening, is totally ruined.
5. The gold digger
If a man figures that you’re trying to find out about his net worth before getting to know him as a person, you’re out of the game before you’ve even begun. He would rather you admire him for his physical assets rather than his material ones. For a man, finding out that a woman is an opportunist, or has her eye on the main chance, is the surest way of ensuring she’ll never see him again, unless she's already done a number on him and he’s too far gone to realize.
6. The calculating shrew
With her, nothing is as casual as it seems. There is an underlying motive to almost everything, and suddenly a man gets the feeling that he’s being manipulated against his better judgment and he’s helpless to do anything about it. Her schemes are devious and he often finds himself caught in the middle of it. She manages to connive and talk her way out of situations while already plotting her next move. She can be formidable in her cunning and crafty ways.
7. She wants a commitment
And then there’s the woman who’s just waiting to sink her claws into Mr. Right. She doesn’t wait long before talking of weddings, bridal gowns and first dances. A man feels the noose tightening around his neck and can’t wait to make good his escape. After all she’s sounding the death-knell for his freedom!8. The insecure woman
Her clinginess drives him insane. Her possessiveness is guaranteed to drive anyone up the wall. And what about her jealousy and mistrust of anything he says or does? He feels she’ll only be happy if he’s around her all the time, maybe with blinkers on.
If one or several of these characterizations accurately describes you, it’s not too late to take a good, hard look at yourself and plan how you can make some subtle (or drastic as the case may be) improvements for the better!

Married but Available - Married Men who Cheat on their Wives

Today infidelity is the leading cause of divorce in most advanced societies. Some people may argue that infidelity is just a symptom of deeper problems which are actually responsible for unraveling a marriage. But whether couples separate or not, few dispute that infidelity is a rising and destabilizing trend in contemporary society. In fact statistics provided by Atwood & Schwartz in the 2002 Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy reveal that that 45-55% of married women and 50-60% of married men in United States engaged in extramarital sex at some time or another during their relationship. This means that more than half of married men are cheating on their wives.
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Married men signal their availability most often by lying about their marital status and modern technology has made only made this easier.  The popularity of internet dating sites and online chat rooms is proof of the vast number of men and women looking for partners in the virtual world. Here the anonymity and ease of accessibility makes it convenient for people to lie about themselves and in case of men, about the fact that they are already married. According to a recent study conducted jointly by researchers for the University of Chicago and MIT, while women on dating sites lied mostly about heights, weights, and ages, the number one lie that men told was about their marital status followed by their jobs and educational qualification.
This is evident not only from the popularity of casual affair sites but also from statistics provided by internet dating sites. The Online Dating Newsletter for instance reports that as many as 30% of married men disguise themselves as single guys and use online dating services meant for their single counterparts.
However this is not to say that in real life men seldom lie about their marital status. A woman may come across a smart, charming guy in a coffee shop almost every day and notice that he does not have a wedding band. It is only a matter of time before they start chatting and then a couple of weeks later even begin dating each other. But all the while she may be unaware that this attractive and interesting man actually has a wife and kids tucked away in his suburban home. Psychologists say that men lie to avoid a crisis. This probably means that married men lie so that they can get to keep their extra-marital partners and continue with their marriage at the same time. But why carry on this double life? Here are some common reasons why married men date other women by lying about their marital status.
Very often extra-marital affairs are perceived to be about great sex and mistresses who are femme fatales. According to family counselor, rabbi and best-selling author Gary Neuman, it is rarely about sex. In a two-year study of 100 men who had sexual affairs and 100 men who were faithful, Neuman found that only 8 percent of cheaters said that sexual dissatisfaction was the main cause of their infidelity and only 12 percent said the mistress was better looking or in better shape than their wives. On the other hand an overwhelming 48 percent said that they cheated because they felt emotionally disconnected from their wives.
The number one reason causing this emotional disconnection is under-appreciation, according to Neuman who has compiled the findings of his two-year study in the book, The Truth About Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do To Prevent It. When men feel that they are not being valued in their marriage, they begin to seek the validation from another relationship. This happens primarily because men are more insecure as compared to women in a committed relationship like marriage. It is as if they like to stay in the game as long as they are getting to win and making a difference. As soon as they find that their gestures are no longer appreciated or in other words, they are not winning, they want to exit the game and look for another game to win. In all probability, these men are doing things that make it difficult for their wives to appreciate them but the very fact they are feeling undervalued in their primary relationship will make them seek appreciation from lovers and mistresses.
Many men cheat because miss the excitement of the early days of their marriage and want to be experience the intensity of attraction again. These men are not able to mature in a marriage and feel that a successful relationship is one which always exists in a state of heightened emotions or frenzied passions. Rather than explore the reasons why their marriage does not satisfy them and address those problems if any, they figure it is easier to find someone else to stand in for their partners. Interestingly these men get tired of their lovers soon enough and then move on to newer objects of desire.
Again there are some men who, married or not, are compulsive cheaters. They will lie about their marital status and cheat just for the sake of cheating. In his study, Neuman found that 12% of married men will cheat on their wives, no matter what. For these men it is a game and one they figure they might as well play as long as they can get away with it.
While there may be as many reasons for cheating as there are married men, the easiest way to go about this is by lying about their marital status. In fact when confronted by their wives, the same men will also lie about their affairs. In his study, Neuman found that a whopping 93% of married men who cheated will not admit to having an affair when confronted by their wives. According to psychologist Bella M. DePaulo of the University of Virginia, men usually lie either to build themselves up like claiming to have topped his class in college or to conceal something, like the fact they are married when they are dating other women. Lies of the second type are unfair to all three parties involved and destructive not only of the primary relationship but ultimately also of the relationship that the same lies are seeking to build.

The 10 laws of dating for men

When a man is dating a woman, it is usually all about impressing her. Women also feel inclined to put their best foot forward, but often, the onus is on the man. Quite often, women are a mystery. One woman’s food is often another woman’s poison. A man is never really sure what women go for - what one likes, another may detest. But there are some universal dating laws that would hold true for most women. Read on.

1. Smile
An open, friendly smile says a lot about you. It can be a good indication that you feel good about yourself and that reflects in your expression. It can be contagious and make your date feel like smiling too, which can only be a good thing. If you’ve been told you have a cheeky grin, don’t hesitate to flash it. Sometimes a tentative one works too, women often like that shy, little-boy look, and it makes them feel very protective! And don’t forget, if you’ve got dimples, let them show!
2. Pay her a compliment
When you are dating a woman, you can be sure that she has taken considerable trouble over her appearance. Let her know you’ve noticed. Compliment her on the attractive dress she’s wearing or just tell her how good she looks. Exclamations that sound genuine include "wow" or "amazing" or a simple "you look fantastic". As you get to know her better, make the compliments less superficial and more intense. For instance, if you realize she’s knowledgeable about art or is a great cook, tell her "I love that about you" but don’t be phony. Make sure whatever you compliment her on, it’s legitimate and you mean it.
3. Don't boast about your conquests
The worst thing you could do is to brag about your skills as a Casanova. Even if you are, she doesn’t really want to hear about it. It will only serve to make her feel like one in a long list of exploits. That’s not what you’re aiming for. One of the biggest turnoffs can be to have to sit through the boring monologue of a braggadocio and having to stroke his already considerable ego.
4. Don't run down your ex
And this is the next worst thing you could do. What you’re saying about your ex won’t matter as much as what is being conveyed about you. That you cannot master your emotions and handle a break-up is one thing. But the bitterness that spills out does not set the right note and will cause considerable discomfort to your date. Also consider her feelings. She will realize that if things don’t work out, one day, you will be talking the same way about her to another woman. And if there’s one thing women hate, it’s to be discussed in a negative light with another woman, however unknown. It will hardly make her empathetic.
5. Personal hygiene is very important
Your date will really appreciate it if you make the effort to look neat and smell good. A woman adores a man who smells divine. It will in all probability encourage her to lean in, and use any excuse to get closer to you. Just so she can get a whiff of your sexy aftershave. Pay attention to your grooming and your appearance too. A well turned-out guy is a visual pleasure and you will find her eyes staying on you in genuine appreciation.
6. Be a good listener
Don’t feel like you have to talk all the time to keep the conversation flowing. If you think she’s hesitant or not an equal participant in the conversation, draw her out. Ask about her interests and work, what she does in her leisure time – general topics which she will feel free to open up about. It takes a skilled conversationalist to avoid awkward silences and yet manage to steer the conversation back to your date. If she’s happy to talk, be an attentive listener and store relevant details for future reference. She’s sure to be touched that you remembered such apparently trivial details and made a note of them.
7. Make her laugh
Use humor to charm her. That doesn’t mean you have to have her cracking up for a better part of the evening. But if a woman spends her date with you truly enjoying herself, she’s certain to let her guard down enough to let you get to know her better. And she’s definitely going to be up for more dates in the future.
8. Display good manners
Treat the lady well. There is something charming about a man who respects a lady and isn’t afraid to show it. Don’t make the mistake of using foul language or cracking smutty jokes. It rarely serves any purpose other than to indicate your lack of maturity. At the same time, don’t bow and scrape too much and hang around like a puppy dog that’s too eager to please. Keep your self-respect intact.
9. Don’t be pushy
The key is subtlety. Don’t push her for anything more than she is ready to reveal or to give. Also, don’t be aggressive and insist on getting her another drink, paying the entire bill or having coffee at your place. Give her the liberty of making her own decisions and while you may like to foot the entire bill, if she isn’t comfortable with it, don’t be boorish and persist. And just because she lets you buy her dinner, don’t expect sex as a natural outcome of it. In fact, the golden rule is not to have too many expectations at all, especially of the first few dates. Give her space, don’t crowd her and pursue her too much.
10. Be honest
Or at least as honest as you can afford to be. Act as naturally as you can and don’t pretend to be anything you’re not. It will be hard to always keep up appearances and eventually your true colors will show. The more at ease you are, the more comfortable she will feel with you, and that’s the best guarantee you have that she will want to see you again.