Friday, 18 October 2013

Why you shouldn't reveal everything about yourself to your lover

When you’re getting to know each other and are in the initial stages of a budding relationship, it's best not to reveal everything about yourself to your lover. If you insist on telling him everything, even if your life is an open book, he might be bored because he already knows more than he probably needs to. It is always good for a relationship to retain a hint of mystery and to keep him guessing a bit. It is more fun to let him discover things for himself and gradually uncover your hidden depths, layer by layer.
TIP: Find out how to keep your partner in love with you.
If you have a few skeletons in your closet, and you choose to reveal them all in the beginning of the relationship when you’re still treading on uncertain ground, you run the risk of your partner backing off if he’s not comfortable with what you have disclosed. Once you are more settled into the relationship and if the situation presents itself, tell him only as much as you think he should know.
Trust and honesty is important for a relationship, so if he asks you certain pointed questions, don’t try and hide stuff. But you don’t have to tell him all the gory details, an abbreviated version will do. Being comfortable enough with your lover, to tell him the truth, also involves trusting him enough with your feelings and that he will not abuse this trust, or use whatever you tell him to get back at you someday, or throw it in your face.
If your lover is the jealous type or overly possessive, be wary of what you tell him about past relationships. If you think he can’t handle the information in a mature manner, tell him selectively whatever you think he can deal with. And if he doesn’t ask, don’t tell him at all.
Also, if you do discuss your past history with your lover, you don’t need to go into details about each and every past relationship you’ve ever had. He also doesn’t need to know statistics – how many boyfriends you’ve had, how many people you’ve slept with, how many live-in relationships you’ve had – unless you’re truly comfortable and want to discuss it. And unless it becomes a bone of contention, some things are best left in the past.
And guys, you also don’t have to reveal to your lover how intimate you were with your last girlfriend. Or what you used to fight about. If she’s pushing you to talk about it, keep it brief or be evasive and tell her you can’t remember every detail or you don’t like to dwell on what’s over and done with. Don’t ever say that you’re not ready to talk about it, as your partner will take it as a sign that you still have feelings for your old girlfriend and don’t trust her enough to talk about it.
The reason why you shouldn’t get into ‘telling all’ is by pleading to the 5th amendment – Anything you say can and will be used against you – at a future date. If you told her, for instance, that your last girlfriend hated how messy you were, the next time you leave your socks lying around, you’ll have it thrown back in your face with a "No wonder she dumped you".
Or if you told him that your friends often call you a control freak, the next occasion you give him a list of things to be done around the house, he’ll use it against you, telling you that its no surprise that you’ve got a reputation like that.
Or if you happen to have once made the mistake of telling him that your boyfriend thought you were a tad obstinate and pigheaded, the next time you’re having an argument, he’s going to rub it in by saying, "See, this is why you’re not in a relationship, because you refuse to see another point of view apart from your own."
And don’t ever make the colossal mistake of telling your lover that your ex and you had a great sex life. He/she will always feel inadequate and that they pale in comparison, and no matter what you say afterwards, they will always feel that they never measure up.