CELIBACY - Easier said than done

When I share with other women that I practice abstinence, it is usually followed by an inquisitive look. Most want to know how long I’ve been refraining from getting busy and how long much longer I plan on continuing with it. How long? . Until when do I plan to hold out? The responses that I usually receive following my answers vary. Sometimes I get the eye roll, which is usually followed by girl-bye-no-one-abstains-in-2017 look. Sometimes I get a “good for you.” Other times I get a response that goes something like, “That’s great, I tried that once, but it didn’t work out,” or the infamous “That’s sweet, but get a little older and see if you’re singing that same tune.” However, the most frequent response that I get is “I always thought about it, but I could never do that,” which is probably somewhat true. By telling yourself that you can’t, you’ve already sabotaged yourself.

What many don’t realize is that celibacy isn’t something that is merely physical. From my own personal journey, I’ve come to realize that it is more of a mental battle than anything else. It is about making up your mind that you are going to refrain from sex and wanting it bad enough to truly stick with it, regardless of what opportunity presents itself and who comes along looking to change your mind. While there are plenty of people out there who will preach why you should become or remain celibate, not many are providing enough insight as to how. So, I’ve provided some of the tips that have helped me in my own personal journey, as well as some lessons I’ve learned along the way.

Recognize why you’ve chosen or are considering celibacy – Not knowing the reason why you’re doing something can greatly hinder your progress and success. I personally decided to abstain from sex for religious reasons. As a Christian, the Bible advises against participating in premarital sex. While I had already made the mistake of engaging in sex outside of marriage, I didn’t wish to continue with it. I no longer have the gift of virginity to give to my future husband; however, I didn’t wish to continue giving away what I did have to a guy that was undeserving of it.

Inform your current sexual partner (if you have one) that you’ve kissed that life goodbye – Unless you plan on cutting all ties with the current boyfriend or friend with benefits that you’ve been engaging with, then you should probably inform them that you will no longer be taking part in the festivities. Now, I can’t guarantee you that their response will be the most encouraging, because realistically speaking, it probably won’t, but verbally putting it out there takes pressure off of you and it decreases expectations.

Refrain from putting yourself in compromising situations – Just because you’ve chosen to take on the challenging task of locking down the goods, that doesn’t mean you’re superwoman. You are still human. With that in mind, try to avoid putting yourself in situations that might tempt you to give in to your desires. We’re sexual beings and to think that because you’ve decided to be celibate you are somehow exempt from getting “turned on” is foolish.

Don’t lead him on – Participating in 4-play knowing that you don’t have any intentions of going all the way is crazy. Besides, celibacy means abstaining from all sexual activities, not just the main attraction. By doing this you also make things more difficult (tempting) for yourself. It is unfair to him as well.

Inform anyone that you are seriously dating or considering seriously dating of your decision – This just helps you to avoid headaches in the long run, it always shows you where your love interest’s head is at. First, it puts everything on the table. You are letting it be known upfront that sex is not on your agenda. Allow them to then make the decision from there whether or not they wish to continue a relationship with you.

Align yourself with other women like you – The decision to be celibate can be challenging at times. Having support from people that have embarked on similar journeys can be really helpful and encouraging, especially on those rough days.

Be selective with the men you choose to date – Practicing celibacy while dating a sexually active man is really difficult, some would even call it impossible. Practicing celibacy while dating a sexually active man who doesn’t respect your decision to be celibate is a recipe for disaster. It’s probably in your best interest to date those who have also made a decision to practice abstinence.

Control your thoughts – There will be times where your mind wants to wander back to how it used to be. You’d be surprised at how vivid and accurate your memory can be sometimes. You have the ability to be in control of your thoughts. While you may not be able to completely filter the thoughts that pop into your head, you can definitely decide what you choose to dwell on.

Using sex as a weapon - Not cool

Let me start with a personal experience, there was this guy I was seeing, every time there was an issue, i threatened him with our relationship. I say things like "let's end things right now", let's just break up. At the beginning, he would beg and apologize, it got to a time he doesn't even care anymore, then he said "yetty, if you wanna leave, just leave". It's the same thing with using sex as a weapon, he would get tired one day, because he knows sex is all you can threaten him with, so he just gets it somewhere else. 

Using sex as a weapon is common with ladies. Some don't even know they are doing it. As long as you have this mindset  "if he isn't gonna do this for me today , am so not giving him sex today". You are obviously using sex as a weapon. That is, you are either punishing him or rewarding him with sex because of something u want him to do or not. There is nothing wrong with saying no to sex because you are not in the mood or you are sincerely tired , but if you are doing it purposely because you ask him to do something or give you something and he didn't do it, that's wrong. Before you know it, he wouldn't even care anymore. That's not what you want, right? Right? RIGHT. 

Remember: if you do withhold sex as a punishment for inappropriate behavior, or you give sex as a reward for being “good,” do it sparingly. Continually using sex as a commodity could potentially weaken your relationship and diminish the intimacy and trust the two of you share.

Using sex to either punish or reward their partners has been a favourite way of women to maintain control over a relationship. While it might give some short term gains, manipulative behavior like this can backfire big time. Here’s why you should avoid this sneaky strategy.

1) You devalue sex
When you use sex as a bargaining commodity in your relationship, you are devaluing its worth as a sacred and intimate connection that just the two of you share. Sex in a monogamous relationship means more than just between-the-sheets action. So don’t cheapen it by using it as manipulative tool for petty gains.

2) It’s unfair to him
Withholding sex is not fair play regardless the provocation. If you are angry at him for something that he has done, then battle it out with him on that issue, why get sex into it? Fight fair. Besides, what can be a better way to make up than a steamy roll in the hay?

3) He will be tempted to look elsewhere
There is no excuse for cheating, but look at it this way, if you continue to withhold to sex for long periods of time or at frequent intervals because you are angry or want something, it won’t be long before he starts looking at sex as a commodity too and starts looking for it elsewhere. And even if he doesn’t cheat, he will eventually distance himself from you emotionally and sexually.

4) It solves nothing
Withholding sex is quite pointless because though he might beg and plead a couple of times, after that he’s just going to get bored and do his own thing. And besides, even if he capitulates, it doesn’t mean that he has actually backed down. He might just be putting up a front to get laid. 

Don’t use sex as a bargaining chip.  Each time you do, it harms your relationship.

What is a fuckboy or fuckgirl ?

I'm sure you've all heard about the term "fuckboy", some of us have even been a victim of their tactics, well this is it.

They are most often "wolves in sheep's clothing. I'm talking about a very specific type of man and woman and their behavior. This "I don't mind fucking you over to get what I want" mindset is a very common thought pattern that I have observed. A fuckboy or girl aka Master manipulators are very insecure people who choose not to be mature and "real", hide behind ego, pride and lies while using manipulation tactics to make themselves seem more impressive than who they REALLY are. They seem to be the ideal woman or man following the womanly/ gentlemanly rules, going out with you for dinner, enthusiastic about you, interested in your life and listen to you attentively. They are probably very attractive, good talkers, fun to hang out with and seem to be great candidates for relationships. They demonstrate great promise and potential. They will be so seemingly genuinely into you, they will say that they want to be exclusive and not date other people. And you can't understand why sex with them drives you crazy. Then they fuck you over inside and out. 

Crazy isn't it ?????

Being Single Is Not A Disease – Some People Prefer Being Alone Than Dealing With Drama

its been a while!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i will be talking about the singles today *smiles*

 The reaction of most men when they meet an attractive single woman is, “What’s wrong with you?” But my question is, why does something have to be wrong? Why is it so unbelievable that an attractive woman would choose not to be in a relation­ship? Maybe the reason she’s single is because there isn’t anything wrong with her. People can be very toxic, and they bring a lot of baggage from previous partners. The fact that a person who has many options is not in a relationship speaks to his or her high self-esteem, not their lack of it. It’s easy to just jump into a situation with someone and start calling him or her your man or woman. But it takes discipline and knowing your self-worth that makes it easy to wait for someone who values you and uplifts you.


Most people have never taken themselves out on a dinner and movie date, and enjoyed doing it! And that’s a shame. What you do demonstrates the love you have for your own company and for yourself. That attitude is precisely what attracts healthy people into your universe.
Besides, being in a relationship or marriage is not an indicator that a person is emotionally healthy or even happy. I hear more complaints from so-called happily married people than single people. That’s not an attack on marriage; I’m just stating my experience. It’s surprising that a woman would even have to defend being single, especially to other women, but women are often the ones applying the most pressure.


i will be updating regularly from now on .....  Dont forget to take yourself out on a date and get to know YOU.

bye for now. 

7 reasons never to compare your relationship with anyone else's

Comparing your relationship with someone else's does nothing good for you rather you become more insecure because you'll always be one foot out the door.

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Every relationship is unique in it's own way with it's own strengths and weaknesses.

Inspired by All Women's  talk, here are a few reasons to never compare your relationship:

1. You'll always think of the negative things. The negative things make it look like everyone else is better than your partner. The grass is never greener on the other side in this case.

  Unhappy lady
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2. You fail to remember that no one is without fault including you. You aren't perfect, so don't expect perfection from your partner.

3. You may be envied by others. Other's may be thinking the exact opposite of what you think of your relationship.

Unhappy couple
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4. You never see the full picture. You only see the unrealistic part in the relationship of others and totally forget that they have their downsides.

5. You aren't being fair to your partner by comparing your relationship.

6. You sink deeper into depression as each day goes by.

Unhappy couple
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7. You miss the awesome parts of your relationship by focusing on what you don't have instead of being grateful for what you have.

4 common relationship problems and how they can be avoided

No relationship is problem free, but there are some that are common than others. These kind of problems can pose a great danger to your loving relationship if they aren't resolved quickly enough.

Unhappy couple
(YourTango)

It's advisable to be aware of these common issues and work it out so you can have a stronger bond with your partner.

Inspired by All Women's talk, here are a few ways these relationship problems can be identified and avoided:

1. Not spending enough time with your partner: Couples get busy with life most times that they don't meet each other's emotional need well enough. To avoid this couples should always try to plan time and clear out every schedule to spend quality time together.

Unhappy couple
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2. Careless spending: At times two people who love each other may have different opinions on how money gotten should be spent. A problem could arise if funds are thoroughly mismanaged by one partner. To avoid this a spending plan should always be mapped out and agreed upon by both parties.

3. Unresolved problems: Most couples have one or two problems between them which will be left unresolved because both cannot reach a compromise. These could lead to a bigger because it keeps coming up every now and then. To avoid this couples should learn to agree to disagree which means reaching a common ground.

Unhappy couple
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4. Communication: It's one of the most common relationship dangers. Conflicts are bound to arise between couples. Good communication prevents it from escalating. To avoid this issue, one partner should be calm when the other is angry.

5. Not liking a family member in your partner's family: It could be your partner's mother, sibling or friend. It's understandable if you can't help it but all you need to remember that your relationship is just between you and your partner. You shouldn't try to let your dislike get in the way of the love you both share.

Poof, Gone! How To Keep Your Cool When A Dude Just Disappears

 Sometimes men vanish into thin air. When that happens, follow these rules.
If you ask me, nothing is harder on the heart or the ego than the disappearing act in the midst of dating. One minute you are smitten over Mr. Constant Contact and the next … nothing. No explanation and no closure. He stopped texting, stopped calling and you are left to fill in the blanks.
Has your latest leading man disappeared without a trace? If so, here's what you should do:
1. Resist temptation. Once it is confirmed that Mr. Vanishing is alive and well, resist your urge to seek information from his friends, his family or the source himself.

I was dating Mr. Too-Good-To-Be-True for a solid month and I believed we were taking our happy romance to the next level. Then one day his daily "Good morning" text was missing from my inbox and I spent the rest of the day staring at my phone, distracted in sincere worry that something was amiss.
Mr. Too-Good-To-Be-True ignored my check-in call and before I could fabricate horrendous stories of his whereabouts, I noticed he was cheerfully posting on Facebook and obviously alive and well. Weeks went by and I could not shake my anger and self-doubt. Perhaps I did or said something wrong to encourage his behavior.
I mustered up an email begging for closure and some sort of validation that our connection was not a mere fabrication in my naïve mind. Again, no response. I never got closure from him, and by sending that email I gave someone who didn't deserve it another chance to let me down. If he was too cowardly to communicate our ending in the first place, no declaration of hurt or resentment will suddenly change his mind or his manners.
2. Don't take it personally, Your first reaction will most likely be to ask what you did wrong. But most grown men will communicate an ending with you. The ones who don't are most likely not ready for a genuine commitment.

My most recent romantic prospect, Mr. Long Distance and I had been chatting and texting for weeks when one day he abruptly stopped and started bringing up excuses to why he wasnt able to call or chat, but trust me, i wasnt buying it. to cut long story short, i moved on.
Breakups are hard but when one person seemingly holds all the power, it is even more difficult. Feeling rejected by another's avoidance is inevitable but it is important to remember that a grown man should know better than to partake in the silent treatment. Treating another person with a complete lack of respect signifies a major character flaw and that may have to be the greatest form of closure that you need

Men and Relationships: 5 Signs He’ll Never Commit

The one question you will never hear a guy ask when he starts dating a girl is: “Will she commit to me?” It just doesn’t happen. Questions and uncertainties regarding commitment seem to be reserved for the ladies.
Women of all ages and across all cultures are united in their quest to determine the following: Does he like me? Is he serious about me? Will he ever commit to me? And trust me, I get it.  I’ve experienced those gut-twisting feelings, the ones the leave you with a constant sense of impending doom in the pit of your stomach causing you to question everything, including yourself.
It’s understandable. I mean, there is a lot at stake when you put your heart on the line and you can end up wasting months, or years, of your life on a man who never intended to keep you around for the long haul. And the aftermath of these situations is never pretty.
So what can we do to spare ourselves the time, energy, and heartbreak that goes into determining how a man feels?
After giving this topic a lot of thought and consulting with several guys, I’ve uncovered five tell-tale signs that he isn’t going to commit to you now or ever. 
1. You don’t know anything real about him
You can talk to someone for hours and hours every day and not know anything real about them. You might know details about their life, but you don’t know who they are, their real and true self that exists beneath all the superficial fluff.
When a guy is serious about a woman, he shares himself with her. He lets her into his world and shows some level of vulnerability. This is a big thing for a man. Men aren’t used to opening up and showing their emotions and they are much more selective when it comes to letting people in.
When a guy opens up to you, when he shares his dreams, his fears, his hopes, his wishes, his motivations, etc., he is investing in you. By investing in you, he is committing himself to you.
If a guy doesn’t share his true self with you, if he won’t let you see who he is at his core, the chances are high that he’s not in  in it to win it and doesn’t see a future.
If you’re really unsure as to whether a guy is serious about you or not, take a look at the things you know about him and consider if you know who he really is.
2. He disappears for days or weeks at a time, then acts like it was no big deal
If a guy truly cares about you, he will want to make room for you in his life. Even if he has a lot going on and won’t be available for a few days, he’ll send a text or message to let you know he’s thinking about you.
If he takes vacations from the relationship with no warning it means he isn’t worried about losing you, and this is never a good sign. If a guy knows for certain that you’ll always be there waiting in the wings, no matter how badly he behaves, he won’t respect you and he definitely won’t want to commit to you–why should he when he knows he doesn’t have to? There would be absolutely no benefit for him.
His disappearing acts serve more as a way to let you know this relationship isn’t serious and he is still free to do what he wants. It’s his way of letting you know that you aren’t a deciding factor in where he goes and what he does.
3. He tells you he doesn’t want a relationship
This seems like an obvious one, but unfortunately, it’s not! In fact, I think the most common relationship in this day and age is the non-relationship, that is, when you’re dating a guy and you’re basically boyfriend/girlfriend aside from the fact that you’re not.
The ugly truth is this: when a guy says he doesn’t want a relationship, what he’s really saying is he doesn’t want a relationship with you.
I know you think you’re the exception and your situation is different. I’ve been there and I’m telling you, it isn’t. You’re like every other girl in a non-relationship. You’re a great girl who maybe sold herself a little short and is in a situation where the guy calls all the shots and is just taking you along for the ride as you sit patiently in the back seat, waiting for him to decide you’re “good enough.”
If he tells you he doesn’t wan to be in a relationship or he has “commitment issues” or hates labels, just take it at face value and do yourself a favor and move on.
4. He doesn’t take you on real dates
If your dates consist of you going over to his place and watching a movie or you cooking for him, then he isn’t taking you or the relationship very seriously.
When a guy is invested in you and cares about you, he wants to go out of his way to impress you and show you he cares. I know most women don’t feel this way, but trust me, when a guy likes you, it’s obvious.
If he puts in the bare minimum when it comes to dates it means he doesn’t feel like you’re worth the effort. Are there exceptions? Sometimes. But even if a guy is jobless and broke and doesn’t have the money to take you out, he’ll find some sort of cheap and creative way to show you he cares.
When a guy cares about a girl and sees a future with her, he wants to bring her into his world as much as possible. He wants to introduce her to the things he likes: movies, music, hobbies. These aren’t things that require much of a financial investment but they speak volumes about his level of emotional investment.
If you’re the only one making the effort to keep the spark alive and do special things, it’s a sign that he isn’t very invested in you.
5. He won’t introduce you to his family
A lot of women make the mistake of thinking that meeting a guy’s friends is a big deal. Maybe some guys view this as a big deal, but most don’t. Maybe he just wants to show you off because you’re hot, or maybe he just doesn’t think much of introducing girls to his friends. I have plenty of friends who looked at meeting his friends as the holy grail… the tell tale sign that he’s all in, he’s committed. It’s not. Meeting is family is where it’s at. (Side note: While meeting his friends isn’t the biggest deal, if he won’t introduce you to them it’s a definite red flag.)
When you’re in a relationship, talk of meeting the family should come up. Maybe you don’t meet them right away, but he should give you come sort of indication that it’s on the horizon. At the very least, he should let you know that his family is aware of your existence.
If he doesn’t talk about his family, or changes the subject anytime you bring it up, it’s a sign that he has no intention of making the introduction.
As I mentioned earlier, when a man is serious about a woman, he brings her into his world. By keeping you away from his family, he’s essentially saying he doesn’t see you being in his world for the long run.
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Got anymore signs a man won’t commit? Tell us about them in comments!

Get the Relationship You Want: 4 Rules to Live By

I know it may not seem this way, but relationships are actually surprisingly simple. And if you can master a few basic principles about relationships, and what it takes to have the right relationship, you will be better able to navigate through the confusion and heartbreak and will effortlessly get the relationship you’ve always wanted.

Whether you’re involved or single as can be, here are the top four rules to live by to get the relationship you want:

1. Never Want Someone Who Doesn’t Want You

Sounds obvious, but sadly, it’s not! When it comes to men and relationships, us gals can delude ourselves in some pretty impressive ways. We find signs to prove that things are the way we want them to be and that he feels the way we want him to feel.

Now here’s the truth of the matter. If a guy says or indicates he wants to be with you, but isn’t actually with you for whatever reason (I don’t like labels, my ex girlfriend was evil, I’m stressed about my job, my dog died etc. etc.), then don’t waste your time. Don’t help his case by reasoning and rationalizing why his excuses make sense (but he is really busy! And his last girlfriend sounded like such a bitch, and his dog was his best friend).

When someone is giving you excuses as to why they can’t do something, what they’re really doing is telling you they don’t want to do it. Some reasons may be quite impressive, there may even be sprinkles of truth mixed in there, but when it comes down to it, if he wants to be with you, he will be. Are there exceptions? Yes, but they are very, very rare. And even if a guy can’t commit for whatever reason, he will make sure to still let you know he’s invested in a real and substantial way.

If a guy isn’t showing you that he is committed and that he wants to be with you and only you, then stop wanting that from him. It isn’t easy, but it’s a far better alternative than wasting months or even years of your life waiting around for some guy to get his act together, wouldn’t you agree?

2. Do I Like Myself When I’m With This Person?

Being in a relationship shouldn’t be your end-goal, the goal should be attaining the right relationship.

When two people are in a relationship, they should bring out the best in one another. They should challenge each other to grow so that their attributes strengthen and they become the best versions of themselves.

When a relationship crushes you and leaves you feeling paranoid, anxious, insecure, inadequate, and always on edge, just waiting for the other shoe to drop…. you’re cheating yourself out of having the immense benefits a good relationship can provide.

It breaks my heart seeing some of the questions we receive via email and in the forum. So many of our readers feel miserable and trapped by their relationships. Yet despite these agonizing feelings of hurt/despair/insecurity/fear, they are unable to extricate themselves from the situation because of their all-consuming feelings for the other person.

They get so caught up in their feelings for him, or his presumed feelings for them, that they miss the most important variable in the equation. And that is: Do I like myself when I’m with this person?

I’ve been in relationships where I almost didn’t recognize myself, ones where my flaws were magnified and my attributes were tucked away somewhere beyond reach. It’s a miserable feeling, one that can have lasting ramifications long after the relationship (inevitably) ends.

At the end of the day, you are all you have. You need to be your greatest ally in the world, you need to do what’s best for you and what will make you happy and help you reach your potential. If your relationship is sending you in the opposite direction, stop wasting your strength and energy on making it work and instead use those forces to walk away.

3.  Take the Word “Should” Out of Your Vocabulary

If you’re  gonna do anything, it should be to take the word should out of your vocabulary! Okay, in all seriousness, the word should is very poisonous when it comes to relationships (“Always” and “Never” are tied for second). When you tell a guy what he should be doing, you’re saying what he is doing isn’t enough.

Guys want to make you happy, seriously. Guys also need to feel like winners in the world. If you “should” him, you’re basically telling him he’s a loser who can’t make you happy and this will not encourage him to try any harder.

Should is a punishing word. It causes resentment to brew and it immediately places the person you’re “shoulding” on the defensive. Just think about all the times someone told you what you “should” do. That word is never received pleasantly.

Instead of focusing on what your partner should be doing, try to look at what he is doing right in the relationship and show appreciation for those things. The more your man feels appreciated, the more he’ll want to do to make you happy.

When you can come from this place, you and your man will be true partners instead of adversaries and things will feel much more relaxed and effortless.

4. Be The Prize

The most common trap women fall into in relationships is trying to be good enough for the guy. So many women get stuck plotting and slanning their every move in an effort to prove their worth to a guy. This is the worst way to be in a relationship. For one, it reeks of neediness. It also puts the guy in the drivers seat and essentially tells him the terms of the relationship are his to dictate. When this happens, you’ll find yourself in a situation with a guy who will essentially do whatever he wants because he knows he can get away with it and you’ll still be there.

Being the prize isn’t so much a set of behaviors as it is a state of mind. The “Prize” mentality is one that asks: Is he good enough for me? Of all the guys I could have, is he the one I choose?

Guys want to be with a quality woman they had to work for and earn. There is nothing interesting or exciting about a woman who will bend over backwards and settle for scraps just because she doesn’t want to be alone.

If you catch yourself obsessing over what to say to your guy, or how to act around him, stop and tell yourself: “I am the prize that he needs to win over.”

Becoming a thoroughly confident woman takes work and isn’t something that just happens. However, one route to take to get you there is to act like you’re confident. As the saying goes, fake it ’til you make it!

Source: anewmode.com

THE 11 DIFFERENCES BETWEEN DATING A BOY VS A MAN

When I was in between the ages of 19 - 21, if a guy acted aloof, called back only sometimes and showed minimal interest, I would get hooked. You could say I was addicted to the bad boy/ unavailable boy/ player. I was drawn to what psychotherapist, Ken Page terms as “attractions of deprivation”. Basically, the theory explains that we are attracted to people who can wound us the same way we were wounded in our childhood, as our psyche tries to recreate the past void and save us by changing its ending.

“The child in us believes that if the original perpetrators — or their current replacements — finally change their minds, apologize, or make up for that terrible rupture of trust, we can escape from our prison of unworthiness. Our conscious self is drawn to the positive qualities we yearn for, but our unconscious draws us to the qualities which hurt us the most as children.”  - Psychology Today

So games used to work on me because 1) I had unresolved daddy issues and 2) At the tender age of 20, I was trying to figure out who I was and to top it off, I was ridden with insecurity and a low sense of self-worth.

But somewhere in between the passing of a decade, something changed.

I learned to love myself.  I became independent, confident, and started to value my self-worth. I went through hardships and heartbreaks and picked myself back up which built my strength and courage. Instead of relying on beauty as my source of empowerment, I focused on basing my empowerment on my intelligence, successes, values, contributions to the world and how I helped others. In a sense, I finally grew up. I went from being a girl to becoming a woman. And as a woman, you are attracted to very different things than you are as a girl.

A girl is attracted to boys. A woman is attracted to men. Now, this has nothing to do with the actual age of a person. I’m referring to maturity, life vision and stage of life. In fact, some people regardless of their age, will never really grow up. You can switch the genders in this post and most points would likely still apply. 

If you are a girl (lack independence, are ruled by insecurity, lack self-respect, throw tantrums, have princess syndrome, don’t have strong values or boundaries and can’t hold yourself on your own) then expect that you will attract only boys. However, if you are a woman (independent, ambitious, knows your worth and value, has a strong moral compass, is considerate and an able communicator and doesn’t let insecurity dominate your psyche), then you should be dating a man. And if you can’t spot the difference just yet, here are some pointers.

1. A man knows what he wants, and goes for it. A boy may have somewhat of an idea, but not really. He doesn’t think too much about it, and even if he does, doesn’t exert much effort to get it. A boy is passive, a man is assertive.
2. A man plans for his future and is working towards building a foundation and infrastructure in order to have a family (at some point in his life) or another purpose or passion.  A boy lives only in the moment and his plans are mostly around which bar he’s going to hit up on the weekend.
3. A man looks for a woman with intelligence, who is supportive, grounded and encompasses a shared set of values when choosing a partner. A boy cares mostly only for girls who are hot, wild and exciting.
4. A man knows a good woman when he meets one and will take initiative to get to know her. A boy may make an attempt if you’re lucky, but gives up before ever really trying.
5. A man has the courage to have uncomfortable conversations. He is honest with his intentions and lets people know where they stand. A boy avoids. He ignores confrontation or any serious talks about feelings. Instead of dealing with a situation, he runs away from it or creates drama or excuses to mask the fact he’s not that into you or a relationship.
6. A man knows when to invest in a woman and jump in with two feet. A boy is always “testing” – he doesn’t fully commit because he never knows if he is quite ready. But the truth is, because he is a boy, regardless of who he meets, he will never be ready due to the stage of life he is in.
7. A man knows how to have a good time and be social, but is often busy making strides in his career and building his life. A boy is getting crunk with his buddies at the bar every weekend.
8. A man takes the time to reflect on the type of man he wants to be, the example he wants to leave and the vision for his life. He has put thought into his values. A boy has not established his moral compass or values and consequently, is often inconsistent.
9. A man has integrity. He means what he says, and says what he means. He has follow through and actions his promises. And if he can’t he has the guts to tell you why. A boy makes promises but doesn’t follow through.
10. A man is afraid of rejection but will put himself out there anyway. A boy is afraid of rejection and acts passive so that his pride and ego won’t ever get too banged up.

Now, a lot of these differences require taking the time to know someone to figure out if the apple of your eye is indeed a man, or a mere boy. However, one of the quickest filters that you can notice from the beginning is this:

11. A boy plays games. A man doesn’t.

*To clarify, when I’m referring to “games” I mean mind games.

source: www.justmytype.ca 

What Does Cheating Mean? A Bro Fills Us In And Answers The Question “Is It Cheating If…”

Have you ever found yourself wondering “Is it cheating if…?” If you have, read on, girl, read on. The Gloss recently posted an article on what counts as cheating according to a self-proclaimed bro and it was… quite enlightening. Or maybe the right way to describe it is to say that the comments made by this anonymous dude made me cringe and then feel really angry for the rest of the day. 

You would think that cheating means anything intimate you’re doing with a person who is not involved in your relationship, whether it’s emotional or physical. You would think that. If you’re anything like me, you would assume that cheating means kissing, having oral sex with, having sex with or developing a strong emotional connection with someone who isn’t your significant other. But, if you looked at cheating from this dude’s eyes, you would be wrong.

Let’s go over what this guys thinks cheating means, along with some choice quotes that sort of make me want to vomit. According to this “bro,” handjobs, kissing, getting naked, fingering someone and masturbating in front of someone is not considered cheating. This bro thinks that a guy with a girlfriend can do any of that stuff and get away with it because it’s not really cheating. Why? His reasoning behind fingering someone is that there’s not much of a difference between his finger and a tampon (oh, makes sense) and getting naked in front of someone isn’t cheating because he’s already seen a lot of women naked. Oh. So I guess if it’s something you’ve done with other people in the past, it can’t be cheating?

He also thinks that oral sex is only kind of cheating. This means that if he’s not getting oral sex from his girlfriend, it’s totally fine to get it from someone else. But if he is getting oral sex from his girlfriend, then it’s cheating. And, yeah, he thinks intercourse counts as cheating… but only if you don’t wear a condom. Obviously.

I’m going to assume this doesn’t count as cheating to this bro. | Source: ShutterStock

What?! What?! I can’t even… my mind can’t even… I can’t process this. I have to wholeheartedly agree with the author, who says, “if you find yourself dating a self-proclaimed ‘bro,’ you better be damn sure you know what you’re getting into.”

Look, I get that cheating can mean different things to different people, but I certainly hope that there aren’t a multitude of guys running around out there who think that sex only counts as cheating if you forgo a condom. Because that’s insane. I don’t want to sound weird, but the dictionary defines cheating as “to be sexually unfaithful” to your partner. And the dictionary is pretty legit, soooo…

I mean, come on dude. There’s no difference between your finger and a tampon? You have got to be kidding me with that line. That was a joke, right? You were just trying to look like a huge douchebag, right? Please tell me that’s what was happening there.

But unfortunately, I don’t think that was what was happening. Sadly, I have heard other guys say similar things (although none on this stupid of a level). One of my guy friends once told me that threesomes don’t count as cheating because it’s a threesome. Solid explanation. I’ve had a few other guy friends (and girl friends!) tell me that they don’t consider kissing cheating. I can’t help but wonder if they would still feel that way if they had to watch their significant other make out with another person.

Like I said, I understand that cheating can mean something different to everyone. But I think, in general, cheating means doing something with another person that you wouldn’t want your partner to do to another person. Does that make sense? I also think that if you’re a firm believer that cheating doesn’t include kissing, handjobs, oral sex or sex with condoms, you need to make that clear to your partner, because not everyone feels that way. 

What does cheating mean to you? Do you think what this guy said about cheating is totally messed up? Or do you agree with him? Tell me in the comments.

Reference : http://www.gurl.com/