10 Tips for a Happy Marriage

Almost everyone agrees that the easiest part of a marriage is getting your partner to agree to it. The hard part begins after the honeymoon and when the responsibilities of running a home and later a family take over. Yet despite many trying situations, it is indeed possible to have a largely happy marriage and here are a few ways that you can go about it.

1. Say something nice – everyday Couples complain that their spouses begin to take them for granted as soon as the first year is through, and sometimes even before. Since the excitement of the courtship and wedding is no longer there, it is easy to stop seeing your spouse as desirable and moreso as someone who has to be won over. But once this becomes a habit, it quickly leads to feelings of disillusionment and neglect. So have something nice to say to your partner everyday – it could be a compliment on her hairstyle or a sexy remark about his boxers. As long as you are showing genuine appreciation for each other, you both will feel fulfilled in marriage.
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2. Make time for love It is a fallacy to imagine that love should happen on its own. Sometimes love needs a bit of help in the form of advance planning – especially when two people are struggling to juggle a home, career and kids. So make it a point to have some “us” time with your spouse on a regular basis – it could mean going out on a ‘date’ once a week or even something as simple as taking a walk in the neighborhood park after dinner. If you have very young kids, try to get hold of a good babysitter once a week or fortnight while you both go out for a movie or dinner. Instead of worrying about the expenses, try to see it as an investment into your marriage.
    
3. Communicate with each other Many couples who have been married for a while may someday realize that they hardly ever talk to each other anymore. A dangerous fall-out of such a situation may be that both partners begin to drift away from each other, eventually leading to the end of their marriage. The secret to effective communication with your spouse is an equable exchange of thoughts and feelings  and thus it means much more than airing grievances or having difficult discussions about money. Simple things such as asking your spouse how was his/her day or showing interest in his/her plans will go a long way in opening the channels of communication. Write notes if you are uncomfortable verbalizing your thoughts and make use of non-verbal cues like hugs, eye-contact or sending flowers to let your partner know how much you love him/her.
   4. Stop keeping scores: It is hard to have a happy marriage if you continue to measure your spouse’s worth as against what they have and have not done for you. This is not to say that you should keep giving more to the marriage as compared to your spouse but only that a marital relationship is not an algebraic equation where both sides need to balance each other out perfectly. Some days you give a little more and on others, so does your spouse. But if you really wish your relationship to be like the first time, your love has to be unconditional which is hard if you keep making entries on the marital scorecard all the time.  
   5. Don’t forget to have fun: Granted that it takes time and effort to make relationships work, but that does not mean you have to take it extra seriously. Set aside some time when you can simply have fun and not get bogged down by meanings and implications of each other’s words or actions. Try to remember all that you enjoyed about each other during the heady days of your early love and see if you can bring back those aspects into your life. If it was your carefree and social nature which first attracted your spouse to you, make an attempt to enjoy life more so that once again you are fun to be around. Take a day out at a circus or amusement park where you both can go back to being carefree children and let your hair down.  
   6. Romance each other: Even though you and your partner are now married, don’t let that be an excuse to let yourself go physically. A happy marriage is one where the spouses see each other as lovers and simply someone you share an apartment or the kids with. Begin by making an effort to look attractive or at least well-groomed. Then go on to play the flirting game using your eyes, smile and various gestures like the casual brush of your hand against his thighs or her waist. Do something special for your partner like surprising your wife with a candlelight dinner at home or getting tickets for a game playing his favorite football team. In other words, court your spouse like you did in the past and you will find the embers of love always glowing in your marriage.  
    Enhance your own personality: Even though in a marriage you need to think and plan like a couple, it does not mean that you have to stifle your individuality. Rather than depending all the time upon your spouse for company, make plans with your own friends, every now and then. Take up a course or pick a hobby which will expand your mental horizons. Your spouse will not only be relieved to have some personal space and time but eventually will be attracted to your new personality. And a marriage which has equal, self-fulfilled individuals as partners is likelier to be happier than one where one or both are needy and over-dependent.  
   Fight fair: No matter how compatible two individuals might be, no marriage is without its share of fights. However the secret to a healthy “letting off some steam” is to fight in a fair and non-abusive manner. For instance stay away from sentences starting with a capital ‘You’, for instance, “YOU do not listen to me anymore”. Rather give voice to your perception like, “I would feel much more loved if we could just talk to each other now and then”. Again avoid generalizing like “You ALWAYS avoid me when I want to talk” or “You NEVER want to listen to what I have to say”. Words like these will only make your spouse defensive and will not get the conversation anywhere. Also when involved in an argument, focus on the here and now. While your grievances may be building up over time, it is best to avoid dragging up the past. The intention is to communicate present thoughts and feelings with your partner and not to begin a blame game which goes back to the time you met.  
   Take a break: Once couples settle into a routine, it becomes increasingly difficult to get out of the rut. Juggling commitments at work, home and as parents, spouses may find it impossible to spare the time and energy to go back to being a romantic two-some. Here the only thing to do is to take a break. If you are lucky enough to have someone to look after the kids, try to take off for a few days for a quiet beach or a skiing resort. If not, even a weekend away from work and home responsibilities may work wonders for your romantic life. The whole point is to let other commitments take the backseat for a while and bond with each other so that your marriage remains strong and happy.  
   Don’t forget the basics  :When you were first dating each other, remember how you instinctively treated your partner with kindness, consideration and respect. It was only with time that you let angry words and negative gestures creep into your marital life. If you can accord a basic courtesy and kindness to a complete stranger, why not to your spouse? So, ensure that all these aspects never leave your relationship and you will surely enjoy a happy marriage in the long run.
   

50 Ways to Make your Wife Happy

Do you remember the last time you did something to make your wife feel special? When you married the woman of your dreams, you not only gained a friend and a lover for life, but a confidante, a helpmate and a caregiver. She is someone you know will steady you when you are faltering and will go all out to cheer you up, when you are feeling low. She is the mother of your kids.
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So, do something special to make your wife feel glad that she married you. Whether you are a brand new husband eager to make her the happiest bride, or a long-wedded spouse wishing to rediscover the fun-loving girl you married, here are some infallible ways to make your wife happy.  
1.Write a romantic letter. Love letters written by hand never go out of fashion. Put your most romantic thoughts on paper, preferably perfumed, and it will surely light up your wife’s eyes.

2. Surprise her with a meal you have cooked. It need not be something elaborate –just a salad, a main course and her favourite dessert should do. But take care to set the table for an intimate dinner, with candles, flowers and soft music.
3. Arrange to go on a luxury cruise. All women love being indulged and what better way to spend a long weekend than go on a luxury cruise in balmy waters and golden sunshine. But make sure that you leave the kids behind, so that your wife can have some time of her own.
4. Invite her family over. Your wife’s parents mean a lot to her, so ask them over for Thanksgiving or any such special occasion. It will assure her that you consider them part of your own family and this will make her really happy for marrying you.
5. Surprise your wife  with flowers for no reason. Make her fall in love with you, all over again.
6. Book her a session at a luxurious spa and better still, join her. She will not only enjoy the spa session, but will be happy that you came along with her.
7. Do something she hates. Choose a chore - like taking out the trash or cleaning out the garage - that your wife really dislikes doing and then go on to complete it. 
8. Show appreciation for her hobbies. Attend the exhibition where your wife’s craft works are on display, or a flower show where her dahlias have been put up. Your interest in her hobbies will give her a feeling of pride and gladden her heart.
9. Gift her an afternoon at the beauty salon. Offer to take care of the kids and let your wife pamper herself at the salon. She’ll come back glowing not only because of the recent facial, but also out of appreciation at your gesture.
10. A sure shot way to make your wife happy at the end of the day is to pick up her favourite dessert on your way back home.
11. Surprise your wife by dropping in at her office at lunchtime and then take her out for a quick bite. It may not be very romantic, but your wife will love the spontaneity of the gesture and the fact that you took time out from your own schedule for the lunch date.
12. Join a salsa class for couples. Your wife will be glad of the intimacy of the dance and having the chance to do something fun together.
13. Make a bowl of popcorn, when your wife settles down for her favourite TV show or movie. Surprise her with your thoughtfulness.
14. Surprise your wife with a really expensive gift, like a Cartier solitaire or a Gucci handbag. Watch the sparkle in her eyes and hang the expense.
15. Do something fun together. Find out fun ways of spending time together as a family. You could pack a picnic basket and spend a lazy Sunday afternoon at the park, while the kids run about playing games.
16. Recreate your first date. Take your wife out in exactly the same way as you had done on your first date. The romantic gesture will be sure to make her giddy with love and happiness all over again.
17. Put together a gift basket for your wife, with assorted aromatic oils and let her sensuous side feel pampered.
18. Offer to take over, when your wife has to wake up at night to soothe a colicky baby or a sick child. Even if she may not seem grateful at the time, the fact that you have given her a chance to catch up on her sleep will surely gladden her heart the next day.
19. Find out your wife’s favourite perfume and gift it to her for no particular reason.
20. Give your wife a back or neck massage after a particularly gruelling day at work and she is sure to thank her stars that she married you.
21. Ask your wife what she would like to do, before you get ready for an intimate evening.
22. Really pay attention to what your wife has to say, especially when you are in company. This will make her feel respected, even though you may not agree with all her views.
23. Find things to compliment about her. All of us like being praised from time to time, but more so, when the compliment comes from a spouse. However, be genuine in your appreciation, as false praise could make her feel worthless and even hurt her.
24. Take care of your appearance. Nothing turns a woman on as a well-groomed and well dressed man. Become that man and give her one more reason to be glad she married you.
25. Offer to take your wife out for shopping and be honestly interested in what she has to buy. She will be glad that you chose to give your time and effort to her shopping interests.
26. Gift your wife a subscription to her favourite magazine. It'll make her happy to know that you pay attention to what interests her.
27. Go over old photo albums with your wife one afternoon. It will not only bring back warm memories of you together, but also make her want to relive those happy times.
28. Invite your wife’s best pals over for a meal. Making a genuine attempt to know who her friends are, will make her proud and happy to have you as a husband.
29. Kiss her the first thing in the morning. Women love simple displays of love and waking up your wife with a kiss, is sure to set her humming for the rest of the day.
30. Cheer for your wife’s favourite sports team.  So what if your wife is a diehard soccer fan while you can drop everything for a game of baseball. Just this once, switch on to her favourite match on TV or better still, root for her favourite team and watch her beam at you.
31. Put the kids to bed. After a gruelling day at work and home, your wife is bound to be tired up to her eyelids. Even if the same goes for you, go another mile and tuck in the kids to bed. Your wife will surely be grateful for your thoughtfulness.
32. Remind your wife that she is beautiful. As couples settle into a routine of familiarity, they slowly stop appreciating each other. Remind her that she is still the most beautiful woman in the world for you and watch her glow with happiness.
33. Say sorry when you have made a mistake. And mean what you say. 
34. Play host to your wife’s boss. If your wife expresses a desire to invite her boss over for dinner at your home, agree to it graciously and be the perfect host. It will mean a lot to your wife and she will be proud to have such a supportive husband.
35. Write a poem for your wife. In these times of electronic modes of communication, a poem that you have composed yourself, will make her feel really special. And be sure to make it as romantic as possible, whether it rhymes or not!
36. Be the one to make the morning coffee. Bringing a steaming cup of coffee to your wife’s bedside on a cold morning, is sure to put her in a happy frame of mind for the rest of the day.
37. Snuggle up to her. Women love the feeling of physical intimacy. Snuggling up to her, now and then, will make her feel desired and happy to be your lover.
38. Surprise your wife with tickets to a romantic movie, especially one that she has been planning to watch for some time. But be sure to accompany her and don’t leave her to go with a friend or co-worker. She will be happy to relive the earlier days of your romance.
39. Hold your wife close at social occasions. This will not only make her feel loved but reassure her that you are proud to have her as your wife. And this in turn will make her feel happy.
40. Make breakfast on weekends and serve it to the kids so that that your wife can sleep till later. Better still, bring it on a tray to your wife in bed and watch her beam with happiness.
41. Treat her like a lady. No woman can resist a man with perfect manners. So even if you have been married for some time now, continue to hold open the door for her and pick up her things if she drops them. She will be glad to know that you are still the gallant young man she fell in love with.
42. Willingly accompany your wife to family events. Granted, that you are bored among all her cousins, aunts and uncles. But make a sincere attempt to look happy at a family wedding and your wife will be sure to appreciate the gesture.
43. Send your wife a bunch of flowers at work and sign off as a mystery lover. Chances are that she will correctly guess you have sent it, but she will love the drama of it all.
44. Call your wife once in a while. Say that you were missing her and just wanted to hear her voice. This will assure her that she figures in your thoughts even while you are busy, and make her really happy.
45. Leave a love-you note on the bathroom mirror. Better still, make it funny so that it leaves a smile on her lips for the rest of the day. 
46. Don’t offer a solution, immediately after your wife mentions a problem. Women often tend to voice problems as a way of discussing things and most likely, they are aware of the solutions themselves. So simply listen to what she has to say and offer a solution only when asked. She will be glad of having a good listener.
47. Flirt with your wife now and then. Go back to the old days when you flirted with each other shamelessly.  This will not only spice up your marriage, but also make your wife feel desired and happy.
48. Be punctual. Just because you are married now, does not mean that you can keep your wife waiting for a meeting. Continue to be punctual as you were when you were dating each other and she will be glad of your responsible personality.
49. Don’t forget to take out the trash and any such chore that you both have decided is your responsibility.
50. Let your wife know that you have been reading up on ways to make her happy. It may seem to amuse her, but actually she will be pleased to know that you are interested in making her happy.
51. Finally, remember to put the toilet seat down. Nothing will make her happier than to have a man around who follows this cardinal bathroom rule.

Every woman likes to be pampered now and then. While gifts and vacations are infallible but extravagant ways of making your wife happy, remember that there are many simpler ways of putting the sparkle back in your woman’s eyes. All it takes is a bit of generosity and a truly loving heart to make her feel glad that she is your wife.

Building trust in relationships

Trust, as we know, is a crucial factor in any relationship. Many relationships have broken up over trust issues. Once violated, trust is very difficult to repair and rebuild, so it has to be guarded carefully and constantly nurtured. It can be compared to a plant that needs the right soil, water and temperature to flourish and attain full bloom. So too, trust requires the right conditions and environment to sustain a relationship through highs and lows.
If partners trust each other in a relationship, there is no guarantee that it will continue to stay that way. You can never trust enough, nor can you take it for granted. You have to constantly build on it.
What are the barriers to building trust in a relationship?
1. Desire to control
When one partner or the other seeks to control the relationship and wants to achieve the upper hand, it is very difficult to meet on equal ground and establish trust. If you are not happy in a relationship and constantly seek to change your partner and dictate terms, it is not an environment conducive to building trust. Your partner will withdraw and alienate himself/herself from you.
2. Dishonesty
If you are always trying to hide things from your partner, or lie by omission, or only tell him/her what you think he/she needs to hear, you are not just being dishonest with your partner but you are not being true to yourself either. Remember that if you’re doing something wrong that you can’t talk about to your partner, it’s not about hiding it from your partner but whether you can live with it. Whatever you do, have the courage of your convictions and there will never be the need to be dishonest.
3. Self-centeredness
When we focus only on our needs and ourselves, we tend to do things that don’t help the relationship and will probably cause a rift in it. If you have selfish motives, it erodes the trust that your partner has placed in you and causes a loss of faith. This in turn hampers the growth of the relationship and causes it to stagnate.


In order to build trust in a relationship we have to overcome these barriers and ensure they don’t act as stumbling blocks. In addition, it is important to work on those factors that enhance trust and cement it so that it acts as a cohesive force in a relationship.
4. Be open
It is vital in a relationship to be as open and honest as possible. Sometimes couples lie to each other on the pretext that the truth will hurt their partner. That is something they should think about when they are indulging in the dishonest act, not at the time of disclosure. If you think twice about what you’re doing and how it will hurt your partner, if you really care for him/her, you won’t do it. If you’re constantly hiding things and not being sincere, it stunts the relationship and inhibits trust.
5. Communication
Communication forms the core - an integral part of building trust and sustaining a relationship. Communication does not involve one person doing all the talking – that too only surface talk about fashion trends and gossip. Communicating effectively involves both partners contributing their fair share to the conversation and listening when the other talks. It involves laying your cards on the table and telling it like it is, talking about your deeper emotions and feelings. It means being straightforward about your needs and expectations.
6. Forgiveness
Building trust in a relationship also involves being able to forgive your partner for the hurt he may have caused you in the past. If you can’t do that and insist on clinging to petty problems or keep raking up old issues, the relationship will die a natural death. Or one or both of you is going to be extremely unhappy. If you decide to continue in a relationship despite the hurt your partner may have inflicted on you in the past and would like to work on rebuilding the trust, you have to be willing to wipe the slate clean and start over.
7. Empathize
When problems come up or difficult situations arise, as they are bound to, it is important to show concern for your partner’s feelings and be sensitive to their needs. Even if you didn’t agree with the course of action and he didn’t take your advice, support him in his time of despair. If you understand his deepest desires and identify with his interests, he is more inclined to trust you with his feelings. If you throw them back in his face, ridicule him or rub it in when he’s stumbled and fallen, he will not be inclined to trust you.
8. Maintain positive feelings
If your partner has never given you reason to doubt him, then don’t. What’s that line about someone not being guilty unless proven otherwise? If you’re always suspicious and doubting his motives, jealous and quick to jump to conclusions (often the wrong ones), it will be very difficult to build trust. Treat your partner just the way you would want to be treated – with love and respect.
Building trust in a relationship doesn’t come with a snap of the fingers. It takes hard work and commitment, but once you have it and work to keep it alive, you will reap the fruits of it.

10 Signs that your Marriage is in Trouble

One of the biggest mistakes that married couples make is to start taking their relationship for granted. They go along with the status quo, their eyes shut, to the changing equation in their marriage until one day, either of them is surprised by the delivery of divorce papers. So, if you don’t want to be caught unawares, pay attention to the health of your marital relationship and if you pick up any undesirable symptoms, make sure that you sit with your spouse and thrash things out. Here are ten key signs that will help you to take stock if your marriage is in trouble:
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You no longer seem to have anything to say to your spouse
You may be living under the same roof with your spouse and performing routine errands, but still have nothing to say to each other. Living in silence is often the first warning sign that all is not right in the relationship. However, do not confuse this with the companionable silence that couples share in a long, satisfied marriage. There, it is a case of two people knowing each other so well as to be comfortable in their silence and not having the need to make small conversation. But in the case of a disintegrating marriage, the silence makes for an arid, loveless atmosphere, where two people have nothing to share anymore.

You no longer have any common interests
Remember the early days of marriage, when you tried out so many pursuits together? While it is natural that over time, each partner finds his or her own niche in the relationship, it is unusual for the spouses to give up all shared interests. If you find that you no longer do anything fun or interesting together, consider it as a warning sign on the health of your marriage.
You are subject to constant criticism from your spouse
One of the unmistakable signs of a troubled marriage, is that partners begin to funnel larger relationship issues into criticism of day-to-day tasks. If you find you can do no right in your partner’s eyes, consider what lies beneath the constant, unceasing criticism. Do you feel intimidated and perpetually on tenterhooks by your partner’s unrelenting negative attitude? If yes, then maybe it is time to address the underlying issues in your marriage.
You are the last person to know
A disintegrating marriage is strongly characterized by an increasingly widening communication gap between partners. In such a situation, your partner will stop sharing information about his or her social and professional lives with you. You will find out about your spouse’s achievements at work, or problems with family members, from second or third-hand sources, like your partner’s co-worker or neighbours of your partner’s parental home.
Your partner is bitter about the past
One infallible yet seemingly innocuous pointer to the state of your marriage is your partner’s response to the question on how you met each other. If your partner seems bitter about the past and makes sarcastic remarks like , “She snagged me” or “I got tired of saying no to him” before guests, consider it a sign that your spouse in deeply unhappy in the marriage. Memories of first dates and meetings should be one of the most treasured in any happy marriage and when these turn bitter, it is time to take stock of what is wrong.
Physical appearances no longer matter
In the early days of a marriage, couples take great care of how they appear to each other. Over time, as the comfort level increases in a marriage, spouses become much more relaxed about the need to look “perfect” for their partner. However, if you find that your spouse has undergone a sudden sharp decline in matters of appearance and hygiene, it could be because your partner no longer cares whether or not you find them desirable. This complete lack of interest is an indication that your spouse is no longer happy in the marriage and sooner or later is likely to opt out.
When distractions are used to avoid real issues
Your marriage may be in trouble, if you both are using distractions to avoid dealing with relationship issues. Common signs of this are a perpetually switched on television set or a constantly playing music system, which are convenient tools to avoid paying attention to your partner. Do you always have one more thing to do before you can settle down, or is your spouse always hiding behind the newspaper? If yes, then it is time you both cut out the distractions and focus on your relationship, before it is too late.
You keep arguing about the same issues in the same way
If discussions on your relationship seem to have got stuck in a rut with the same arguments again and again, it is evident that your marriage is in trouble. The inability to communicate thoughts and feelings effectively, is often the initial step towards a breakdown in a relationship. Take the help of a marriage counsellor, if you both seem unable to resolve issues on your own.
A lack of trust
You no longer trust each other. Mutual faith is the cornerstone of any meaningful relationship, including marriage. If you find yourself constantly doubting your partner’s whereabouts, or if your spouse suspects you of infidelity, clearly something is deeply wrong in your marriage.
There is no longer any intimacy in your marriage
Intimacy is the act that allows a man and woman to bond as a couple. While the absence of sex in a marriage is considered a big red flag, counsellors will tell you that the first signs of trouble crop up long before. Be warned, if you find that you both have stopped snuggling up to each other, or you no longer give your spouse a passionate kiss before leaving for work. This is because a growing physical distance between spouses is intrinsically related to a widening emotional gap.
Every marriage is unique, since it is a new relationship made by the coming together of two unique individuals. Thus its strengths and weaknesses, its pitch and personality too are bound to be unlike any other. And yet, there are some common symptoms which can warn partners that their relationship is headed for trouble. So take heed of the warning signs and if you do find them in your marriage, do not waste any more time get down to resolving all pertinent issues.

Commitment and Monogamy - Just how important is commitment to a relationship?

Jenny, a consultant in a reputed company, had been married for a year. She was content in her relationship and secure in the marriage. Rex - smart, funny, and a generous lover, had a bright future ahead in the law firm where he worked. Jenny was thrilled that she had been lucky enough to meet him and that they had clicked instantly. Just when everything was hunky dory, her world fell apart. Her friend Lisa told her she’d seen Rex out on the town with someone else. "I couldn’t believe it at first and told Lisa she must have been mistaken", she said. "Until I did a little snooping around and found her messages about their clandestine meetings on his cell phone. I was devastated".
When Jenny confronted Rex with it, he was nonchalant. "He didn’t even bother to deny it. He was so casual and acted like there was something skewed in my approach", says Jenny. It seems Rex had a few gray shades to his character which Jenny hadn’t discovered till then. Fidelity wasn’t his forte.
To Jenny, whose parents are still together after 35 years of marriage, a relationship is sacred. And one of the foundation stones of a good relationship is commitment. When you cannot commit to somebody, the repercussions are immense.
Like Jenny, many feel strongly about monogamy and commitment, and so they should! An intimate relationship is between two individuals and a third party can only cause confusion, distrust, betrayal and hurt.
A commitment is the equivalent of a promise or a pledge. And going back on it is tantamount to breaking your word to someone. It is obviously not for those who think that variety is the spice of life, because being monogamous implies being committed to one person or married to one person, forsaking all others. It isn’t simple but neither is it impossible. And yes, it is absolutely vital, to any relationship.
Everyone enters into a relationship with expectations. The expectation of commitment – complete and total – is one of the basic ones. For without commitment you are never sure where you stand with the other person. Very often, individuals in a relationship have expectations of each other. Some are lofty and unrealistic, but expecting a monogamous relationship, whether dating, engaged or married is the most fundamental one.
There are certain parameters that must always be established in a relationship and the ability to trust and commit to each other is crucial. Your partner may lavish luxuries on you and treat you like a queen, but if he thinks it's ok to cheat on you or see someone on the side as long as you don’t know about it, the relationship is obviously doomed from the word go.


In a marriage, compromise is important, but the one area that leaves no scope for compromise is fidelity. It’s all or nothing. Once there are commitment issues and a breakdown of trust it is very difficult to wipe the slate clean and start over with the same person. The affected party also finds it very difficult to trust again in other relationships and is forever affected by this aberration.If it happens to you, what would your approach be? Think about the following:
• How strongly do you still feel about your partner despite him/her letting you down?
• Is your relationship worth fighting for and salvaging?
• Are there children involved?
• Can you truly forgive? And can you forget?
There’s no point forgiving but constantly bringing it up and holding it over your partner’s head is extremely unhealthy in the long run. If you have decided to forgive, then:
• Communicate
• Analyze the reasons for straying/cheating/infidelity
• Seek help or go into therapy
Finally, without rubbing it again and again do ensure that your partner realizes your magnanimity in taking him/her back. Do not let him/her think you are a pawn. Let them know in no uncertain terms that there is no such thing as a third chance!